Ai's Diary

i hate to sleep!!! 

every time i wake up my heart feels the pain all over again...

the pain when you said good bye...

it's killing me...

can someone just kill me?

slept at almost 2am last night
pushed myself to the limit thinking that by tiring myself to the extreme i'll have a good night's sleep
another reason is because i'm afraid to sleep
afraid that i'll see you in my dream and then loss you all over again when i wake up

woke up at 7.45am
woke up with the pain in my heart
or maybe it's the pain that woke me up
i'm not sure...i'm not sure...

dream of shanice asking me over facebook chat about you
while i was having nasi lemak
(yes...ironically, i somehow can remember the details...lol)
she ask "kyk got new gf ady r?"
it was so weird and awkward
and yet
that question spear into my heart
and made it started bleeding all over again...
all over again...

i was not very close to shanice
i don't tell her my personal stuff
she won't know about this
if dage or honey never told anyone
if they never tell anyone

i trust my friends
i don't think they will betray me
i hope they won't...

maybe it's you that tell mingee...
then she spread to the whole tampin
but you told her i'm the one that broke up with you
which label me as the evil person in this relationship
when it's you the one who has someone new
then how can they know that you have a new her?
why?you don't have the courage to admit what you do is it?

i'm thinking too much...
it's just a dream...
yes..it's just a dream...
stop thinking ai...
stop thinking...
just stop...
fullstop

anyway...
you can tell them whatever you want
i don't care to explain the truth
i don't care anymore
i won't do what you did
if they really ask me
i'll just give them a smile and say "it's over and it's the past,everyone makes mistakes"
will i be able to do as i think?
i don't know...

i don't even feel like seeing tampin friends again
are they friends? i mean true friends?
maybe there's a few
bu i'm not sure...
gosh...JUST LEAVE IT,AI!!!

be strong...today is a new day...
i still have my blog, my facebook, ezen, my son and my tears...
btw,i manage to not to cry yesterday...thanks to my son...^^
thx son...

yes...i'll survive this...
i can one...
so hope ezen you be ok too...:)
hope that everyone will be ok...
PEACE ^^