Ai's Diary

carrot had a bad day today

did badly in mr neo class test

never see carrot so bad mood before

very very scary…

 

go to the park again today with carrot

want make carrot happy again

but actually is me like to go the the park

haha…but carrot happy after playing around like monkey

so consider mission accomplish =)

 

carrot showed me some dance moves

even tried to teach me

wah…really geng but me too stupid already

cannot learn anything except making waves with the hand

 

got a free piggy ride

this stupid carrot so insisting one

learn to speak cantonese too

kena laugh again…=(

i know my cantonese sucks la

 

today is nice

get to go park again

feel happy and relax

=)

 

8.40pm

take a bath

do advertising

pack for anthro trip and wedding

phew…penat…

gonna have a super busy weekend this week

tomorrow gonna go to pasir penambang to do my anthropology paper

will mostly stay overnight there…yay!!!maybe can go see fireflies!!!

*sings fireflies by owlcity* tthoe’s favorite song…xD xD

 

it’s gonna be fun fun fun all the way

gonna take lots and lots and lots of picture using my sister’s dslr

hehe..yes..finally get to borrow it from her edi

but pok haven teach me do all the settings…

POK!!!on your handphone at all times

ai is gonna call you!!!muahaha…

 

will be back from kuala selangor on saturday night

then will have to rush back to melaka for my cousin brother wedding

actually saturday is the bachelor night, all my cousins from singapore is coming

so i wanna go!!! taking the midnight bus straight from klang to melaka

anyon ar anyon…please help me get the bus ticket

 

sunday morning will get angpao!!!

hehe…cause tuang teh ceremony ma

then at night is the wedding dinner

after that have to rush back kl again

cause monday i have 8 hours class

cannot afford to skip anymore

i gonna be damn damn tired

 

then next week gonna have anthro exam

need to do retail assignment *note to myself-do capitalization and market segmentation*

and need to start giving out the consumer behavior questionnaire

argh…so many so many things to do

don’t have time to go pasar malam and learn swimming and learn photography pun

i want more time!!!24 hours is not enough!!!

 

just thinking of all the plans only made me scare

but at the same time so exited!!!

hehe…can’t wait for all these to happen

 

it’ll be great

i know it will be

=)

 

3.31pm

today i semangat abit…lol…

but curi tulang to blog a while

thinking for anthro interview question alone in library is killing me

liya please don’t kill me

:P

 

Love Quote of the Day

Those who haven't loved somebody else, more than they love themselves haven't even begun to live

发现原来你有常来拜访我的秘密花园
我这样跌跌起起的状况都被你知道了
不管你看了心里暗爽开心还是什么我都无所谓
只想告诉你
别那么夜睡
很不健康啊
凌晨三点还不睡做夜鬼干吗？
不是说没了我能睡得很安眠的吗？
那这是什么？
睡不着也至少躺着好好休息吧...

1.00am

on Saturday he texted me and we chatted for a while

he didn’t get to eat my cupcakes on Friday

cause i didn’t have the guts to ask him

and he knows i won’t talk to him in front of everybody if possible

next time I'll bake again…

 

on Sunday he texted me again to ask me out

told him I'm going swimming at 3k

but he didn’t want to come

 

on Monday he skipped class

but he texted me again to ask me out

his roommate’s aka best friend’s birthday

they are having a gathering at their place and he invited me

he asked me to skip all my classes that day

i wanted to bring a friend but he say wanted to spend some time alone with me

i freak out…i got scare…i became cautious…

it sounds nice and sweet but fishy and dangerous at the same time

so i back off…maybe i should just take the risk next time

 

today he texted me again

he texted me almost everyday to ask the same question

to ask is there any exam or assignment due the next day

and i give the same answer everyday

blur la him…cannot remember one meh…

but i am happy that he still text me even for stupid reasons

 

the next time he ask me i should say yes

but he is a dangerous person

it’s like playing with fire

but he may be a good person deep bottom

he did bought me hamsters

should i ?

 

10.16pm

having oreo cookies

doing anthro now…

cried myself to sleep last night

it’s been long since i did that

 

didn’t want to wake up this morning

just wanted to stay in dreamland

reality is not where i want to be

 

read honey’s blog which she finally update

tears roll down as i read each single sentence

started out my morning with tears again

 

there’s only a handful of people that really know me

who understand me and all my weakness and stupidity

and my dear honey is one of them

i’m sorry honey…

i still take you as my best friend

and just like you i just didn’t make contact

stupid of us of doing this

actually is more to stupid of me for acting like this

i’ll text you later

not worth cause of that stupid bastard i give up on you

best friends again?

 

something hit me very hard today

something that i won’t realize or keep running away from

i keep saying i hate him and don’t want to have anything to do with him

but according to  honey i still care for him a lot

maybe it’s true,if not why am i still in such condition?

there are some things that your best friends can see more clearly than yourself

and when they finally say it it’s really shocking that it’ll wake you up

but then what is the next step?

 

cried in the shower for almost half an hour

i am such a weak person ain’t i?

big girl don’t cry but there’s so many things that can make me cry

that’s why i don’t want to be a big girl

i am not a big girl

so i can cry…

 

12.16

gotta get ready to go college

i am doing stuff
i keep picking myself up to move on but every now and then i'll just fall back down
i keep scolding myself to get up,to not feel sorry for myself,to do better than this
i hate my weakness

but it's okay
look at it this way
you KNOW your own weakness
that's better than NOT knowing your own weakness
so since you know your own weakness
then you should just keep going to overcome your weakness

remember,
nobody is perfect
it doesn't matter how many times you fall
how many times you get back up is the one which matters the most

11.40pm
thank you again pok
i’m getting some rest
nite nite

i feel lost…lost like i don’t belong in this world

i feel like i am in a trans or maybe from another space and time

just being here temporarily to see and experience what that is not real

 

went to college today…don’t feel like going to class

skipped almost an hour of anthro class sitting alone having breakfast

went to class…felt like i was in another medium

people are talking around me but i can’t hear them

lecturers were teaching but i couldn’t remember a thing

didn't join friends for lunch…wanted to be alone…

i want some peace…but no matter where i go i feel something is not right

skipped another macroeconomic class…

the second class i skipped today

 

i really feel lost…totally lost…

the only time that i was happy was when i played in the park

being a little girl playing the seesaw laughing at nothing

but then for a moment i fell into the hole again

looking at everything around me and can only see the sadness

 

i am loss

i am just lying to myself all this while

i still can’t find my way back up

i don’t want to fuck up my life just like that

i tried to make a change but why i’m still like this?

 

10.40pm

i dun wanna be lost

pull me up please

unexpected

you won’t know when someone will tell you something unexpected

at an unexpected place

at an unexpected time

at an unexpected situation

it’s my honor…

it’ll be a good memory

it’ll be something i’ll remember and laugh at one day when i look back

i love surprises and randomness

they make life so much more beautiful

 

3.00am

nite nite

you make me stress you make me frust

it’s a sunday!!!come on!!!it’s a sunday!!!

haven i gotten enough?

 

i don’t understand why you still don’t let me drive your car out

i’m so sad and frustrated…

can you just trust me?

can you just put a little faith in me?

 

2.10pm

lucky i’m going to play water later

don’t need to see and listen to people

i just want some peace

leave me alone!!!

on thursday i started out my day bad

was unhappy for some stupid little reason

maybe my mood was bad that day

or maybe it’s just just inconsiderate

 

on thursday consumer behavior class was canceled

the very few times a week that i can have a glimpse

nothing much that i want now

i know nothing else will happen

 

on thursday i didn’t went out with friends

didn’t feel like it,just wanted some peace

 

on thursday i was in the library with liya

discussing and planning for our anthro trip

but i end up borrowing 5 fictional books

now they are pilled up at the end of my table that is near to my bed

should start reading more to kill time and improve my english

just reasons for me to get on with life…

 

on thursday i went shopping with chieh yen

we went to sunway pyramid to get my swimwear

feel really weird in swimsuit…feel naked…not really comfortable in it…

oh well…there’s always first time for everything

i’m learning to live life so some changes are necessary

bought myself a tankini and a pair of goggle for rm126

then bought myself a black agate stone pendant with my name crafted on it in gold

it was beautiful but it was expensive…rm30…but it was worth it

custom made which is the one and only one pendant with my name on it in this world

but all my angpao money for my birthday was gone that day

i’m broke…i want money!!!

 

in the evening i baked cupcakes

yes i finally baked my cupcakes

even did the buttercream icing at night

something i’m proud of cause i finally did it

an accomplishment for me…=)

 

yeah…i did a lot on thursday

yeah…it’s good that i have started doing stuff

yeah…i starting to continue with life

 

 

 

 

10.25pm

ai is gaining momentum

nite nite^^

Life Is Always In Balance

You’ll Gain Something You Want

But In The Same Time

You’ll Loss Something You Like

Yesterday bought a swimsuit that i like and goggles

but lost one of my earrings during the trying sessions

Today finally find the guts to learn swimming

but lost my favorite white jacket somewhere

Noticed that i lost these things a little too late

but will still try to find them back

Anyon said the words i said was like the Ying Yang theory

but these are just some things that i learn from my life

does this mean i have a philosopher’s mind?

nah…don’t think so,i’m too stupid and dumb…

12.38am

going to sleep soon

nite nite

*hugs*

今天是我活在这世界的第二十年零六天

如果有人此时此刻问我二十年算久不久

我会告诉他说

"就算我的生命在下一秒结束我也无悔"

珍惜每一天，珍惜不完美里的完美吧

今天我过的还不错，今天我还有笑容

 

醒来前我是梦着郭忆杰

好久没梦到他了呢，奇怪

车子，火车路，飞车，水灾，比赛

一如往常我的梦是场怪梦

一如往常我还是记不清楚

幸好醒来后心不在像以前那么疼了

 

今天真的发生好多

好的坏的都有

我在学习生活

月爱加油吧！

 

11.58pm

晚安

wasted my whole day doing NOTHING…as usual…

wanted to bake cupcakes…but did something else

wasted one whole hour trying to get my pps working

wasted a few hours watching big bang theory

next series in line is GLEE!!!if i can find it…

 

ate extremely a lot today

chee cheong fun for breakfast in class in front of lecturer

half way through the class lecturer treat us ice cream potong

early in the morning with air conditioner blasting at 20 degree celcius and we had ice cream in class

how often can we do that?AWESOME rite?!

after class at 10am went to OLD KAWAN to have brunch

an english style breakfast set with black tea for me

their service is damn poor la,will avoid that place if possible in the future

after that went to have shave ice at FBI which is a floor above OLD KAWAN

the environment is nice but the desert is so so,still lose to SNOWFLAKE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bought simple products…spend money again…=(

should be happy la…spend money edi must be happy

feel guilty now…

 

photography club meeting?

what can i say?

hmm…will hope for the best…

 

had those attacks again today

forgot to eat for the rest of the day after stuffing myself so much

it came all of a sudden…like it used too long time ago

my tummy and my heart felt like they were stabbed again and again

i was in hell lot of pain…even think that i would collapse

at that very moment i realize i was all alone

sister and brother in law were out for wedding photo shoot

i was scare, i didn’t know what to do

picked up my phone but, who to call?

yes…who should i call?

felt powerless felt lost felt lonely

wonder if anyone would care for me

at times like these that i think of that bastard

if only things were different…

 

11.54pm

gonna sleep now

nite nite

tomorrow will be a better day

=)

me happy today
love this feeling
hehe…

had tau fu fah for lunch!!!
wanted to have it yesterday with zen but the van was not there
today decided to try again then coincidence meet zen outside inti
so we go buy it together
what i can’t do or get yesterday i’ll get it and do it today
that’s the spirit ai!!
=)

sold my management book to a senior
sell for 20 bucks only
last time photocopy i think cost 30 plus
my book new new very clean one
never read before cause mr adrian was diagnose with cancer and can’t teach us
last time met him once at AYC indian shop near my house
saw his daughter and son too…they are so young
wonder what happen to him after that
wonder how is he now

took the bus back
when i reach house cannot find my keys
forgot to bring…feel so stupid…
no one at home…what to do?
sit on the road and copy notes lor
haha…didn’t feel angry or sad at all
weird la…if last time i sure very bad mood if things like this happen

added a new item to my bracelet
a big fat bird with a shinny crystal on it
then glued some buttons,a coin and a butterfly ornament on my notebook
don’t really look nice but it’s ok,at least i tried
i’m super bad in art but i still want to do it
=)

love quote of the day:
I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

-- Roy Croft

11.00pm
going to do my research now
while eating my famous amos chocolate cookies
muahaha…
ai is enjoying life today
*hugs everyone*

jacob brought me go buy my present today

after i think he already forget about it

*shock shock shock shock shock*

he won’t tell me he the thing he gonna get me

but eventually i found out…HAMSTERS!!!

we went to dodopet in ss15 but no luck

then we went to petsmore and yay!!!

he bought me 4 male hamsters!!!

of course i get to choose the sex…lol…

honestly,i’m really surprise he still remembers

i told him once i had a hamster and it passed away and i was very sad

he knows i love hamsters very much so he got me hamsters for my birthday

they are the perfect gift…all that i wanted and needed…to make me feel better

i’m really happy…every time i’m down he does something that will make me happy

though he don’t really know it la…i know can edi…just coincidence…

nevertheless thank you very much…

*gives big big hugs*

 

haven named my babies

will let jacob name 2 of them

jerrod named 1 of it pickles and became his godfather

another one will give the honor to ezen to name it

can’t differentiate which is which now though

hope i can recognize them in a few days time

thank you again jacob

i’m really so exited and happy that i’m smiling so wide

=)

 

my cough was bad in the morning

but i didn’t care and drank chocolate ice blended

then during the break for consumer behavior class i ate ice cream potong

it was the second time ezen and me ate ice cream potong during this class

and college just entered the third week

maybe we should make it a weekly thing

hehe…:P

 

today started out blue

but as the day progresses

i became more and more happy

i am happy today

it’s a good thing

=)

 

ezen n me enjoying our ice cream potong =)Victor joined in the fun =P

 

MY BABIES    my babies are super duper active

it’s so hard to take a picture of all them together

will try though

=)

 

1.00 am  

i really should go sleep now

nite nite

*hugs*

i tried so hard but i just couldn't fall asleep

4am in the morning and i was just lying still on my bed

it’s so silent i could hear so many things so clearly

the distance car sounds from the highway

the cat that is scratching something outside my window

the crickets that filled the air with their beautiful night songs

and my heartbeat that goes "dup dup..dup dup.."

i can feel the heartbeat as i tuned into it

i love to do that…makes me feel i’m real and alive

 

went to ampang to see mommy and daddy and chieh hoon

only 4 hours of sleep and the long journey

i’m really tired but it was all worth it

daddy was down with a cold but we still went out

just to have dinner though to celebrate my birthday

mommy and daddy was in penang on friday

they feel bad they weren't there for me

it’s ok mommy daddy,i understand…

thanks for the dinner chieh hoon and mommy

suzi’s corner was a weird place to eat with lots of ang mo

but fun wathching ang mo wine and dine in mamak

 

today is not really my day

i don’t really like taking the lrt

especially the putra line

it reminds me of that bastard

it reminds me of the good times we had

it reminds me of the promises he gave

it reminds me of how it all ended

sitting on the train listening to songs

as the feeling gradually build up inside of me

all the anger,hatred and sadness

and before i know it my best friends came visit me again

i hate him badly now that i think of ways that i can revenge him

if i see him i would throw hot milo on him and kick his balls

if i have a gun i will shot him at his non-vital parts and let him die slowly

if i could i would let him know how it feels to loss somebody he really love

the dark side is taking over me since he tried to make contact

i don’t like being like this…this is not me…  

 

bought famous amos chocolate cookies at kl sentral

1 for me 1 for pok as promise

just to make me feel better

but my cough is too severe now that i can’t touch the cookies

not my day..today is not my day…

 

12.41am

should go sleep

tomorrow 8am class

i love and hate late nights

late nights gives me the peace

late nights makes me think a lot

 

i thinking of you now as i write this

about all that we’ve been through

the schooling days

the tuition days

the comic days

the makan days

the things people say about you

the things people accused you

the things people keep telling me

the things and dreams we once talked about

the things i told you

the things you told me

we share our darkest secret and laugh at it

good times we had during our worst time eh?

 

7 years is a long long time

i was thinking is it worth doing this?

i hate him too much now in a way that it clouds my judgment

i despise anything that has to do with him

even if it true is it worth it to end the relationship?

i keep asking myself this the whole day

but if we continue we’ll have even more fights

you believe in him too much while i stop believing in him

this will be our barrier which was once our common spot

 

i’m sorry i made you cried

i made my honey cried

but you are in good hands now

you’ll be alright…

you finally found someone that love you

you’ll be alright…

you are a strong girl

i know you’ll be alright

 

1.37am

had my afternoon nap at 1pm

when i woke up it’s still extremely early

even sleeping can’t make time pass faster

bored to death…started thinking too much…again

resort to randomly ask someone out

then in half an hour time off i went…out again today…

went sunway pyramid to watch jackie chan’s new movie

The Spy Next Door…as usual it was funny

played the dancing machine at Asia Avenue

always wanted to play that…it was fun even though i sucks at it

my mood got better after all these…thank you so much…

then gotta rushed back at 7pm for dinner

brother in-law treat the whole family dinner at MoonGarden in Taipan

it’s for my birthday…haven say thank you to him…don’t know how to…

now sitting in front of my laptop thinking how much money i have spent this month

loss track and can’t recall but i know it’s a lot

i’m using money to fill up the emptiness

haha…bad habit but that’s the only thing i can do

 

 

9.31pm

tomorrow going ampang to see my parents

=)

it’s Saturday morning

it’s so quiet and lazy

having a blast last few days makes today feel a little…down

good times never last…

it will end sooner or later…

how i wish it will go on and on forever

 

something just don’t feel right

i don’t like this feeling…

 

11.20am

i’m sorry honey

but i have to do this

i’ve given it a thought

and finally decided on it

 

today will be the last day we’ll talk

then we are done

 

some things are just too obvious

i am not an idiot

the pictures fit in too perfectly

i maybe wrong

but i’ll take the chances

until the day that i’m proven wrong

we are no longer friends

and when i am proven wrong

i’ll say i’m sorry

and the consequences that comes with this decision

i’ll bear it myself

 

some friends are meant to be loss

for the sake of each other

and other people

 

nice to have you as my honey

hope you will be happy life

 

10.41pm

the type of people that i hate the most are the types of people that are lying but won’t admit it when they are caught.the type of people that i admire the most are the ones that admit it to me straight into the eye when i asked them.the people that i hate the most are those that i think i can trust them but eventually turned out to be just well…what can i say? not trustable?the people that i admire the most are those that often screw things up but is willing to take action to make it better.

dun really know what this person is doing so long at my blog

keep chatting at my chat box

ask to add at msn but dun want

just want to be friends only ma but so scare

like small boy that listen to mommy’s advice

"don’t talk to stranger,not safe ar…"

 

9.40pm

there’s a weird person on my blog

hmm…

interesting

i am 20 now!!!

happy?

no

sad?

no

then?

no feel wor…

 

went out with friends today to celebrate kelvin’s and my darling ezen’s birthday

thank you to my darlings alicia,angie and liya that did all the planning

soul-ed out cafe was really really nice

thanks for the chocolate cake and presents too^^

thanks to ks for sending me back home

thanks to jerrod that came for the party which is quiet unexpected

thanks to jerrod that help me drank my horrible drink too

thanks to danny and thian hoe for not bullying me that much

sorry to ck that i stoned and didn’t hug you when you were leaving

for angie’s “korean” boyfriend…hmm…nothing to say…just *laugh laugh*

did i miss anyone out?i hope not…really blur case now…

 

finally happy birthday to kelvin and ezen and ME!!!

hope that i will have a great year ahead of me

 

1.00am

sick edi

tomorrow want to go ice skating

need to sleep

nite nite^^

tonight gonna be a good night

tonight gonna be a good good night

lalalalala~~~lalalalala~~lalalala~~lalalala~~~

i’m gonna party tonight with the gals

oh yeah!!!sick or no sick i will still go out

nothing can ruin today,tomorrow and saturday

my birthday wish?

it’s a secret…

=)

 

2.00pm

clean room clean room

:P

sent out a forwarded email to all my contacts yesterday
it was about an inti student that needed help
to my surprise my ex (the first one) replied it
asking me how am i recently and if i’m still ok
not enough? he added me on facebook
what is in his F***ing head?!
yes i’m pissed off with this person till i used the f word
what the hell he think he is doing?
not a single ‘how are you’ for so long
and now suddenly just come along and say
hey.how are you recently?
and oh yeah…really great timing too
near my birthday which happens to be the 6th month it ended
never replied his mail and what happen?
another mail came…WTH
“最近还好吗？好久没看到你了。希望你过得比以前更好，一切小心。”
asshole,a friend of mine called him
bastard,my best friend called him

i know i try to forgive people and try to be friends and all
but i think i’ll have to make an exception this time
nope i can’t be friends with this type for people
not after how he treated me
not for now at least…

11.59pm

Jacob was here for only 39 days,and then he was gone,just like the wind…

 

39 days,short yet meaningful enough for me.he got me to continue with my life,maybe not really moved on but in a way,yeah…he did made me stop crying and made happy on for a while.

 

the late night chats,the movies,the stupid thing we played,the rooftop,the 2 cute dogs that keep licking me,the food that was OMG so spicy,the long walk…didn’t really did much together eh we?but it was all pleasant and happy,not arguments no fights.i’m glad that it ended this way.

 

you are really good at words you know that?you may just be playing around after all…but hey i’m not angry at you.in fact i am happy that i have the chance to be happy in that special way.i am sad that it didn’t work out but hey…look at the bright side,i got my friends back…

 

the only thing i regret is i didn’t have the chance to float in the water and see the rain water falling down from the sky with you.you make it sound so beautiful.i will do that one day,i promise myself that…

 

39 days

i’ll remember you and all of it

will keep you in my memory box

=)

 

11.40pm

it's almost 2am

i’m still sitting here

starring at my laptop aimlessly

my new year resolution failed after all

living this type of life makes me feel like a failure

wasting my time and life but what else can i do?

i really hope to find the answer soon

this aimless living pattern is driving nuts

 

going to sleep now

falling a little sick

the sore throat won't go away

and my bday is 2 days ahead

but it’s not important anyway

parents are away holidaying

sisters don’t really celebrate

no special someone to be with me

but lucky thing i still have friends

learn to appreciate with whatever you have

learn to be be satisfied ai…

 

1.50am

nitez

went to college just to find out that the only class i’m having today  is postponed

was not sad or angry…felt nothing…

 

finally made the effort to do my bracelet

now it’s around my wrist and i don’t plan of taking it off

why?cause my heart says so…

 

got speakers from chieh yen

don’t really know about sound quality

just happy and grateful that i get speakers

 

watched 3 movies with the speakers

cloudy with a chance of meatballs

the ugly truth

barbie and the three musketeers

 

cooked spaghetti for dinner

it has been a long time since i cooked

as usual the food turns out tasteless

 

10.10pm

it’s just another day in my life

i am alone at home now

did stuff but feel so empty

i am longing for something

people come people go
they may leave as an enemy
they may leave as a friend
or they may leave as nothing
that’s the fact of life
it’s kinda of pathetic and sad
but i’ll have to accept that
i’ll do my best to be friends
the rest is up to them
=)

maybe these things happen for a reason
to uncover the truth
to protect each other
i’m just looking at the bright sight
just a thought…

10.00am

met a cat who writes books

took a picture with mdm kwan

watched avatar from the front row

ramli burger for dinner

fell asleep from a lullaby 

that was yesterday

 

had the most awful fish n chips and ice lemon tea

heart to heart talk with a friend which clear some things up

took the bus back after 8 hours of class in a day

luckily there’s a friend that talked with me the whole journey back

2 episodes of big bang theory

now…thinking…

that is today

 

11.15pm

so sleepy and tired

can just fall asleep

nite nite^^

*hugs*

i am glad that we are still best friends

i am happy things between us didn’t change much

you are very important to me

even more important than him

losing him makes me sad

but the thought of losing you is even more worse

i made me go crazy

you are a true friend indeed

cause true friend tells the truth no matter what

i may be a little upset and irrational yesterday

i am sorry for that

but i am ok today and is willing to move on

zen you are still my best friend

love you very much

*hugs*

forgive

give a hug

put on a smile

and it’s all gonna be fine

i’m ai and i’m not gonna fall that easily

i still want my best friend

when i was in kindergarten i wanted to be a police women

when i was in primary school i wanted to be a teacher

when i was in form 1 i realize something bad and wanted to be an assassin so i can kill the people i hate

when i was in form 2 i wanted to be a model and hope that i could grow tall enough

when i was in form 3 i started hating my life and wanted to leave so i studied very hard

when i was in form 4 i wanted to go study in japan or as far away from home as possible

when i was in form 5 i wanted to go study in the united states but i met someone special

when i was in first year of college all i wanted is to stay by his side forever

when i was in 2nd year of college he left and i wanted to move to Fraser's hill and live a solitary life

now approaching the end of my second year i just want to pack up my things go away and see the world

when i was in secondary,i have honey who also wanted to leave but now i think she is happy with her life

things change over time and the fact that i always wanted to go away is always there

it comes and go but i always never have the courage to pack up my things and just leave

i have responsibilities i have people to care for

but for once i wish i have the courage to do that

to just throw everything aside and leave

 

broken dreams

broken heart

broken wings

broken me

i am sorry for all that has happen

i am sorry for the things i said

i am sorry for the things i have done

i am sorry for the reaction i gave

i am sorry for everything

i am sorry

i am sorry

i am sorry

i lost everything today

my my friends which are my life support

how i wish i can just pack up my things and just leave

 

i want to explain but i am so tired

everything is my fault and i am truly sorry

maybe today is the day i fall really hard

maybe today is the day i should just throw everything away

 

nothing change is a lie

things change and this time it changed too much

no it won’t be the same

been through it, know it

what am i to do?

 

leave?

if i can i will

as far as i can go

never come back if i can

 

8.06pm

back from where i started

from a crashed world and life

just this time i am really alone

it’s over

it’s over

it’s over

 

what else can i say?

i need a break

i need a drink

chao…

bye…

 

4.10pm

anyone interested for a drink?

call me

saw a rainbow on the way to dinner

a big perfect 180 degrees rainbow

as majestic and beautiful as it can be

which made the evening sky even more pretty than usual

and brought hope to the somewhat rainy day and heart

 

remember one of my favorite movie “cape no7”

after the rain there will always be a beautiful rainbow

just like after shedding tears there’ll always be a smile

sooner or later…

 

the things that i believe in and hold on to in life are stupid and crap in a way

but those are the things that makes me go on in life

sometimes i wonder when will i fall really hard and loss all my faith

the day will come but it’s not gonna be today or tomorrow

for now i still hope for the best and that things will change

 

9.10pm

today is a terrible day

but i saw a rainbow

so it is not that bad after all…

i hope…

for some unknown reasons

i have loss my ability to judge people

i have loss my ability to get angry at people

i have loss my ability to distrust people

 

try to judge people as less as i can

because each person have their own secrets and weaknesses

try to get angry but it won’t work even to the worst things that happens

all i can do is sit aside and let the tears flow

try to distrust people but ended up believing in every word said

because i believe that i have to believe in others before they will believe in me

because i have to let them in before they can open up their heart for me to enter

 

not that i am unhappy with all these

view it as a special part of me

but sometimes i do hope i am different

 

6.40pm

it’s over

really?

"always be honest in life no matter what" my dad would always say

but honesty can sometimes backfire

just like today and the previous days

will it make a difference if i didn’t say what i knew?

or said what i felt?

 

knew the truth then the rest is up to me to decide

it is a choice that i have to make no matter what

it’s a burden for me as it affects many people close to me

"give it some time" i say to myself, "it will be alright"

will it be?

 

told you the truth and now the situation changed

you are honest in your answers and i’m glad with that

but are you making a statement？

or giving me the right to choose？

if i have the right to choose i know what i want

 

things are complicated and all mess up now

there are things that i wish i never said to you

and things that i wish that you never knew i knew

 

6pm

think think think

you ask me to think

and now it’s killing my brain cells…

=(

 

Love Actually is another British movie i watch

it’s my first time watching it today

and i LOVE it!!!

i think i kinda attracted to people that has accent

especially those from UK

and OMG i love Hugh Grant so much!!!

 

Love Actually is written and directed by Richard Curtis

who also directed Bridget Jones’s Diary (i LOVE bridget jones’s diary!!!)

which is the first British movie i watched a few years ago

and guess what?

Hugh Grant was in that movie too!!!

 

enough of Hugh Grant already

back to movie eh we?

hehe…

 

well the movie actually consists of many stories

which all happens before and during x’mas time

in which each story has it’s own special magical touch

 

(1)Billy Mack and Joe

(2)Juliet,Peter and Mark♥

(3)Jamie and Aurelia♥

(4)Harry,Karen and Mia

(5)David and Natalie♥

(6)Sam and Joanna,Daniel and Carol♥

(7)Sarah and Karl

(8)Colin

(9)John and Judy

 

Peter and Mark are the best of friends.Juliet (played by Keira Knightely,another actress that i love so much,she is just so gorgeous even she is skinny,she is my idol)got married with Peter but both of them didn’t know that Mark had a huge crush on Juliet.then a string of events happen and bla bla bla…the part i like the best about their story is…wanted to post a video of that scene but apparently it is all protected…=(

 

Jamie actually went to Peter’s and Juliet’s wedding ceremony but came home to discover that his girlfriend cheated on him with his brother.Heart broken he went to his French cottage and started writing a book.There he met Aurelia,the housekeeper,and besides the language barrier,they manage to fall in love.Then Jamie went back london and learned Portuguese and bla bla bla then finally went back to proposed Aurelia.

 

David (hugh grant) is the prime minister of the England who falls in love with Natalie, a cute and bubbly girl and bla bla bla…go watch the movie

 

Sam is actually a kid who just lost his mom.his step dad Daniel was worried sick when he locked himself in his room.but when they finally talked, Sam finally confessed that he was actually like that because he fell in love with Joanna.Daniel as the dad gave so much encouragement to Sam,even driving him to the airport and help him get pass security so that he can tell Joanna he loves her.it is so nice to see a parent doing that and the simple love of a young kid…

 

these the few stories that i love most in the movie

because i love the way it goes

randomness in love,taking chances and take it as it comes

in real life it might or might not happen

but it’s up to the person to decide and make it happen

anyway the movie was nice

enjoyed it like i enjoyed pride and prejudice and bridget jones’s diary

conclusion?

8 out of 10 *claps*

 

11.50pm

approaching my sleeping time

nite nite

today is really full of surprises
bump into pok at ichiban^^
we talked as we walked back to college
then suddenly there’s a big thing in front of me
again…i have a problem seeing things that are right in front of me
later that afternoon i chatted with hong sing while waiting
omg…hong sing has a kiosk at subang parade
he is running his own business
then before i go home met pok again
he told me to put my hands out and close my eyes
he gave me a gift!!from china as a x’mas present
can i say that is the most nice thing a guy has done for me?=P
honestly,i am very very surprise
thank you so so so so so much^^
and at night,found out that i have a very good friend
thank you friend for worrying about me
still good friends ya?^^

today i view life from the beautiful side…

11.50pm
i have 10 minutes to brush my teeth and fall asleep
nite nite

to sleep before 12pm every night during school days
to wake up before 7am very morning on school days

to sleep before 3am on holidays
to wake up before 9am on holidays

need to get rid off my dark circles and eye bag
GAMBATEH!!!

i want to make a difference
i tried to make a difference
i can't make a difference
i'm just insignificant...


can you at least try?


what am i doing in college this early?


9.50am

mwaah…

you’re back?

surprise!!

yes i’m surprise

welcome back dear

=)

 

saw mr jafni at the bus stop today

we chatted for a while

inti terminated his contract

feel so sad

he is a good and fun lecturer

really easy going and lots of freedom in assignments

he gave space to students to express themselves

which i think is very good although i’m not good at that

and most importantly he treat students like his friends

made a recommendation to him,hope it works out

wanna try to help even i know i really can’t make a difference

just really wanna him to stay in ss15

bet all the students that are close to him want that

 

note to gary

thanks for keeping me company when i’m sad

last night and today

*hugs*

 

11.30pm

hope that tomorrow will be a good day

nite nite

came back to subang today

college reopens today

was happy to see my friends again

we talk we laugh lie usual

but something doesn't feels right

something is missing

what is it?

 

11.10pm

tonight emo a bit

so try to sleep early

don’t wanna think too much

upon a special request of the birthday girl

today’s post will be written in mandarin

happy birthday shanice…and lily too…and add one more milton,shanice’s dear dear

=)

 

是因为太忙碌呢？

还是因为把心锁着了

对很多事情都没了感触

眼睛看到的

耳朵听到的

都无所谓了

算了吧

 

今天去shanice家

碰到个不知道叫什么名的同学

他问我郭忆杰在哪儿

过了这么久既然还有人会问我这样的问题呢

哈哈...

感觉呢？

心轻轻痛了下

然后“嗯”一声把痛吞下去

陪着大家一起嘻嘻大笑

 

改变不了的事就没必要去浪费精力

虽然我相信爱情是需要坚持和努力

可是该放弃的时候就该放弃

因为一个人坚持和努力是没用的

i learn this the hard way

 

没什么想写的了

就这样罢了吧

不想太情绪化

 

瑞仙

祝你生日快乐

还有希望你能健健康康的

要记得笑噢

 

瑞莲

祝你生日快乐

希望你能一直幸福快乐

还有努力读书啊

别偷懒

 

this is an autopost

it’ll be up sharp at 12.00am 3rd of december

as the second birthday present for shanice and lily

once again

wishing both of you a happy birthday

may both of you have a smooth year ahead

help me wish milton too ya…but no present for him la

pokai edi….hahaha…

*hugs and kisses like always*

 

love,

ai