Ai's Diary

i’m lost for words…

i can’t write…

i’m all messed up inside

i feel a sudden down in my heart

izzit cause of something i read on the blog

why?why?why?

stop it

 

Love Quote of The Day

You can always create your own experience of life in a beautiful and enjoyable way if you keep your love turned on within you- regardless of what other people say or do.

-- Ken Keyes

11.53pm

you are important to me

that is why you’ll affect my emotions

i hate it when i can’t overcome my fears

i remember the other day

when we were in the car

and you were driving

you made me laugh

you said it makes you happy when you make me laugh

you love to see me laugh don’t you?

i love to smile and laugh too

thank you ice cream dear

thank you for putting a smile on my face and laughter in my life

really truly grateful for that

=)

 

today i told you not to manja me that much

cause i’m scare that you’ll spoil me

but you said you’ll always manja me

that’s so sweet…i know you will honey

yes i love to be manja-ed so please do continue manja-ing me

screw the things i said…i want to be manja to the max

can?

:P

 

11.58pm

starlight movie in college was great tonight

remember that mr jafni ask you to take good care of me oo :P

*hugs n kisses* for you my dear ice cream

went to MPSJ with pok pok today to pay saman

i went to the toilet and the queue was long

so naughty ai ai sent random sillhy sms to pok pok

pok pok got worried and went to find me

but i was at another toilet

when i got back pok pok was in bad mood

awhh…someone was worried…

but seriously, i almost cried when you were that garang

never see you that garang before =(

sorry ice cream dear for making you worried

i know now that you really sayang me

promise i’ll try my best not to make you worry anymore k

*hugs*

 

yesterday was at college since 8am even though i have 2pm class

cause wanted to go have lunch with ice cream dear

but ice cream dear didn’t told me he has replacement class till we were at kfc

bad boy…don’t do it again ya ice cream dear…studies is much more important than lunch

even though you knew it late you still should have told me

but appreciate it that you told me later cause you knew i’ll force you back to class

one hour late is better than nothing..silly ice cream…

love you *hugs*

On the 1st day of Valentines,

 

was in ampang having a family reunion dinner

it was unpleasant for some reasons

then i got a little drunk due to vodka

mood was even worse when i received an sms

but…

after that i had a great time with pok with vig

we played poker

we went ss2 just to eat kfc

we went for thai massage

we ate jusco midnight sushi

the day turned out not too bad after all

=)

 

On the 2nd day of Valentines,

 

went to watched avatar 3d with chieh yen,eugene,and bla bla bla

the movie was so so but mood was still no so good

after dinner went out shisha with pok pok and james

and james ex-girlfriend showed up too

nothing much happen during shisha

excerpt that someone started holding my hand

can’t remember why tho…

 

after james and his ex left

randomness strike again and we decided to go watch a midnight movie

Valentines…you held me hands when we walked to sunway from jaafar

during the movie you keep pushing my head towards your shoulder

so that i can rest…

that was so sweet of you…

and yes i enjoyed it…

it was comfy =)

 

that night i walked and run bare footed in sunway pyramid at 2am

it was fun…i love doing things like that =)

 

On the 3rd day of Valentines,

 

went to sunway pyramid with pok pok

we had a NOT so great lunch at FULLSHOUSE

but had a wonderful time ice skating 

and yes pok pok made me fall and my butt was all wet

first time fall during ice skating

but i got to play so many 360 degrees turns

it was definitely lots of fun ^^

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

before heading back for the BBQ dinner

we stopped by at Gloria Jeans coffee

and mmm….the hot chocolate was just AWESOME

yummy!!!wished i could drink it every week

:P

 

after refreshing we went to pok pok church friend’s BBQ open house in USJ2

jac and kok meng,the couple that lasted more than 3 years plus..i think, if not mistaken

i’m really impressed and they are so cute together…jealous =(

they had a little fight though but in a while they were laughing together again

isn’t that so sweet?

xD

ice cream held my hands under the table and we got caught by jac

i think i blushed a little or maybe it was the beer?

but we both answered there’s nothing between us and we’re just best friends

 

after the BBQ party pok pok brought me to the curve

we went to LAUNDRY for a drink!!! long island if i’m not mistaken

yay!!!alcohol makes me dizzy and hyper and crazy

then we had mc d ice cream cause i wanted to and …….i’m drunk

i slept the whole way back and poor ice cream got to take care of me

the drunk me talked stupid stuff and did stupid stuff i think

sorry ice cream…no more alcohol for me next time k?

oh wait…maybe a little la…:P

 

 

 

 

 

tired of writing… to be continued…=)’

10.30pm

oh crap haven study for tomorrow’s macro test

but tired edi…

dun care nia..sleep first

nitez^^

pok pok gave me a surprise today =)

ai ai forgot to bring money to work due to blurness

and pok pok woke up very very late

pok pok told me he’s going to have lunch and all

but ended up showing up at carrefour in front of me!!

brought me to lunch and treat me mc d ice cream

ai ai loves surprises…so sweet of pok pok to do that

sayang you pok pok…thank you pok pok…*hugs*

you saved my tummy and made my day so much brighter

you make me happy…you make me smile…=)

 

in the evening pok pok suddenly msg ai ai to go dinner at murni

MURNI wor!!MURNI leh!! SS2 MURNI ar!!!

ai ai sure say okay de lor…

then in no time pok pok,ai ai,vic and joann were off to ss2

pok pok really knows the way to ai’s heart-by food!!!

HAHAHA!!

 

told pok pok some important stuff about me just now in the park

something i don’t want to hide and don’t want pok pok to find out another way either

really glad that i told the truth

i’m feeling much better now

like a burden was lifted away

i’m really not good at keeping secrets

pok pok says he was okay with it

hopes he really is and hope i didn’t hurt him in any way

really really sayang pok pok

hope it’ll all work out well

 

12.30am

nitez nitez

tomorrow i die lor

homework all not yet do

 

Love Quote of The Day

O Time and change! -- with hair as gray as to bring money was my sire's that winter day, how strange it seems, with so much gone of life and love, to still live on!

-- John Greenleaf Whittier

you are not perfect

i am not perfect

that’s what you say

but you give the most perfect hugs ever

and you always have the perfect timing

no one is perfect in this world i know that

but there’s always parts of people that are perfect

after all it’s the small little parts that matter isn’t it?

 

being in and out of relationship really often lately

i’m sure you are aware of all that right?

you practically were by my side the whole time

i’m kinda afraid things won’t work out

like what happened for the past few

but we’ll work things out slowly right?

 

7.08am

i miss you already

i want my hugs

=(

something ain’t feeling right

i feel something is not right

i feel all the negative feelings now

empty loss clueless confused sad disappointed

 

rejected an invitation cause of stupidity

which in a way i think is the right choice

i don’t know…i’m not sure anymore…

everything seems so confusing

maybe things would turned out fine if i just go

but i’ll never know now

but it’s always better to be safe than sorry right?

 

went to watch avatar 3d with chieh yen and members from the other side of the family

hmm…the movie was great but somehow it didn’t lift my spirits up as i hoped it would

i don’t now…i’m feeling darn low today…

why am i feeling like this?

 

开始对爱情损失信心了

开始觉得爱情其实只是两个需要互相依靠的人

当两个人互相依靠时就会有爱情？

还是因为有爱情才互相依靠？

我想要个可以让我依靠的肩膀

不知道...我又在胡思乱想了

 

looking forward to tomorrow

ice skating,bbq at pok’s friend’s house,then a drink and maybe a little dance at laundry the curve

hope that i’ll feel better after all that

i really do…

 

8.50pm

nothing much happen today

but i feel like crying now

 

just got a msg from pok

i’ll go jaafar yamcha

right timing again

haha…

2 guys and a girl

18 and 22 years old guys and a 20 year old gal

what can these 3 people possibly be doing on the first day of CNY and valentine’s day?

 

learnt to play poker for the first time in my life

bet using real chips with real money value

how was it?

hmm…confusing but i think i’ll get it if i play a few more rounds

any feeling?

hmm…it’s Chinese New Year,gambling should be fun right?

 

went all the way to ss2 to go to murni

but unfortunately murni was closed =(

ended up eating kfc in ss2

all the way just for kfc?

haha…geng wei!!

 

next plan?

ICE SKATING!!!

but plan failed

resorted to THAI MASSAGE!!!

my first massage in 20 years

head,shoulder and back massage

was soothing painful and TICKLISH!!

tried to hold back as long a i could

but eventually broke out in laughter

paiseh paiseh la…

 

shopped around with the guys for a while

bought some cute cute stuff…again…

can’t resists it la…it was so cute!!

after that bought some discounted shushi from jusco

after that?

went back and teach pok pok to put in his contacts

 

the 2 guys keep talking things and laughing

one with funny british accent that i can’t really understand

and most of the time i don’t get the joke

there’s lots of guys like this

anyon and dinyi also like this

why har? now all guys syiok sendiri edi izzit?

but anyhow it was fun=)

 

how was my day overall?

honestly i don’t know

had steamboat for lunch

but some unsettled families issue made the air freeze

had too much (actually was a little only) of vodka and beer

got dizzy and slept for 15 minutes when it was almost time to leave

sorry for delaying you when you wanted to leave so badly

 

there are problems that i am just helpless no matter how hard i try to fix it

i’m tired of facing all the sour faces,ignorance and becoming the spy, the middle person of you people

why can’t just put down the ego,forgive,smile,give a hug and continue as a happy family like we used to be?

or maybe it’s because that i am more grown up now that i can see what is happening

if i’m a kid i’ll just be playing around with my dolls thinking the world to be as pretty as always

i don’t know…i just feel like running away from all this for a while

i don’t like staying at home facing these kind of situation

i need to go out…i need to do stuff to get all these off my mind

i want to be happy i want to smile and laugh

i just want a simple happy life

 

relationship is another thing that is bugging me

if you are not serious why do you keep asking me out?

if you wanna go out as friends i don’t mind

but can you stop all those words?

it’s like poison that i have no antidote being injected into my system

with no resistance…why would you do that to me knowing i’m helpless against you?

 

Love Quote of The Day

It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness and of pain: of strength and freedom. The beauty of disappointment and never-satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature, and everlasting beauty of monotony.

-- Benjamin Britten

1.10am

happy valentine’s day and gong xi fa chai

may i have a great year ahead

may i keep my optimism with me always

another not so bad day thx to pok and his cousin

thx guys for everything =)

went out with pok pok again today ^^

went for swimming/play water in 3k

pok pok grabbed me and jump into the pool

BIG SPLASH and water enter my nose

throat feel weird weird

don’t like the feeling

wuwu~~

but it was definitely lots of FUN

it’s been long since someone throw me into the pool

i forgot how much fun it can be minus the water enter nose feel part of course

best part?

got a big warm warm hug in the water…

awhhh…so sweet…thanks for that pok pok =)

 

the other day went out shisha for the second time with pok pok

this time was with his friends that i think were from the one academy

i remember there’s one guy named SQUARE and the other three all start from J

was the only girl there and the guys were doing the hand thing

i feel weird doing that so i refused to do it

hope i didn’t offend them in anyway

tried watermelon plus something something and another one don’t know what

but like the other one more than the watermelon one

ate a lot that day but still misses santai’s nasi goreng siam…=(

and pok pok did the fire on hand trick that day

i want to learn it!!

next time must learn edi..:P

 

been spending lots of time with pok pok lately

love to go out with pok pok

pok pok make me laugh and relax

and always make me feel better when i’m having a bad day

the right timing that comes naturally=)

 

9.16pm

really tired

going to sleep early

got a big warm hug that i think i’ll have a good rest and sweet dreams tonight

the hug took away the sadness of me thinking that my ex new gf bday is on the 14th

the day which is the first day of chinese new year,valentine’s day and her birthday

a triple bom…

thank you pok pok…hugs always make me feel better

and you always gives me hugs at the right time..=)

*hugs*

it’s one of those mornings again

my heart was under the mercy of this severe physical pain

it was dreadful that the only thing i could do is grab the shirt in front my chest

am i afraid that i would die suddenly?

i would be lying if i say no

every time this happen i am terrified

fearing this moment would be my last

but i am ready since a long time ago

if it’s my time to go i will go

with no resentment and no regrets

only shedding tears that i can’t see my loved ones anymore

 

8.22am

i’m trying to live life to the fullest

i’m trying to smile as much as i can

i’m trying to love as many people as i can

and most importantly i am trying to be happy

ai is enjoying life
but is exhausted as well
so ai decided to stop blogging
for a few days
only

see ya
love you blog

6.10pm

ai really don't like assignments
how i wish it is my 2 months holiday now
so free that all can i do is sleep,eat and play
college would be so much better without all the assignments and tests
i really want to sleep for more than 8 hours a day and have stress free life
is it because i took 5 subjects?
if so i'll never do that again
don't mind graduating late as long as i am less stress
the week after chinese new year is full of tests and assignments due date
how am i to enjoy my chinese new year with all these on my mind?
and now at 1.40am i'm scratching my head
just to think what is marketer's implication for consumer behavior assignment
really don't know how to do it
asked people but people like beh song me edi
i don't understand ma what can i do
need example but internet down
after 2 hours now my internet connection up edi i go do lor
tonite really no need to sleep edi
have to be in college by 6am cause need to go anthro trip for second time
and the best part is NO people to send me there at that time
yeah...just great...
and some people do change a little fast
the way they talk and treat you after something happens
it's nice to see the true colors of people sometimes
ah...i have no control on how people want to treat me
so it's okay...i still have other people to rely on
till they turn their back on me
if that happens i'll always find new people to rely on
yeah i kinda of pissed off now
writing junk just to satisfy myself
enough is enough
need to do marketer's implication and study a bit for test and quiz on thursday
no nite nite today
just gambateh ai
fullstop

1.50am

wuwu~~

so damn busy these few days

lack of sleep almost everyday

been awake since 4 am and it’s killing me

doing consumer behavior now but i really can’t stay awake

i’m sorry but i really need some rest

i’ll wake up at 3am to do it

i promise cross my heart

 

love quote of the day:

Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary; I humbly pray to Heaven above that I love the man I marry. -- Rose Pastor Stokes

11.40pm

i'm totally exhausted
it's 4am in the morning
and here i am doing advertising assignment
really sorry,kelvin 


after this assignment i'll have to do:
1)sales report
2)consumer behavior assignment
3)anthro interview question
4)anthro trip
5)study for consumer behavior test


i seriously need another day in a week
i need my SLEEP!!


really should not have work
but i think i'll make it through
i hope i will
really scare now after looking ahead of all the things that is going on this week


i hope i don't crash and fall
will you catch me if i fall?




love quote of the day
Would you rather be with the one you love or the one who loves you?

-- Rechell


4.35am
gambateh^^

i broke another rule today

smoking!!!

but smoke shisha la

not cigarettes

thanks to pok pok

hehe so damn happy and high now

haha…

sayang pok so much

*hugs*

 

when i was with the bastard

he set 4 basic ground rules for me

no going out till late nights

no going out with other boys

no saying bad words

no smoking

i practically broke all the rules already

went out till very late very often now

this week alone 3 times already

going out with boys very often too

but as best friends only la of course

saying bad words not that often but i did it before

only twice i used the F word and only in written form

and smoking shisha i just did it today

actually is the second time but today is the official one

i puff smoke out of my mouth and nose!!

 

my life is so much enjoyable now

these are the good side of breaking up

somehow i feel happy today

maybe is the shisha

whatever la

haha…

 

12.05am

thank you pok pok

sayang you so much

and your driving was FUN

loved it

let’s do it again!!

 

i smell like yogurt shisha now

love it

don’t want bath

don’t care

muahaha

i think of him a lot today

i don’t know why

it just came

 

went to midvalley to have lunch to celebrate ck’s and shane’s birthday

we parked in the gardens

think of him…

walked pass some certain shops in midvalley

think of him…

went BRJ

think of him…

on the way back

think of him…

 

remember that day was a Thursday

he was at his friend’s house doing group assignment

he didn’t sleep the whole night

i had a stomach cramp in the early morning that day

i didn’t want to call him but i eventually did

as usual he always knows a way to make me feel better

he told me to stay home and rest but i insist on going to class

cause that day is the last class of American History

and lecturer is going to give out tips for finals exam

he wanted to come see me but i stopped him

half way through the class he texted me

he was in Subang already

after my class we meet up

then we went lunch at aunty june with thian hoe and danny

i remember that i just got my lg ice cream that week

so i was taking phone numbers of friends from him

after lunch we went back to my house then we went out to midvalley

we parked at Gardens

after that we went back to my house

we sat on the couch watching Eli Stone

he wanted to stay awake and watch it with me

but he kept falling asleep

ask him go sleep he don’t want

he said wanted to spend time with me…stupid la…

then after much persuasion he agrees to sleep on the couch

he slept while holding my hands without letting go

and i watched 5 episodes of Eli Stone before waking him up at 6 something for dinner

then at night he didn’t want to go back till it was very late…as usual…

 

that was the second last day i was with him

the next week it all ended

 

i think when i’m really tired i’ll think of him

no matter how bad we fought or how tired and stressed i was

everytime i see him i’ll just smile

and when he holds my hands or gives me a hug

everything else doesn’t matters anymore

all the problem all the stress just vanish

 

why am i missing him so much today?

when i was at BRJ i kept thinking of him

hoping to get a glimpse of him

but i know he’ll never be there

he’ll never be here for me anymore

and he isn’t the person i knew anymore

 

i wonder how is he now…

 

2.05am

i should really go to sleep

tomorrow need to work

nitez…

according to him i am suffering from a symptom call lonely phobia

i don’t deny it cause i know i’ll always find someone to talk

that’s why i talk to him and other people

but i know they won’t be here always

 

according to him i am running away and not facing the problem

this i do not agree…i tried and experimented and i see results

"i tried and it didn’t go well"

"and you want to give up just after a few tries? "

 

he made me suffered so much last night

all the razor sharp words

so direct yet so true

it cut right through me

 

i am stubborn but so is he

i don’t want to listen to him

and he won’t listen to me

i wonder how we ever talked

 

it’s getting more complicated and shadowed

maybe i should just do what i do best

just stop existing

 

9.00pm

i am not sure what is the reason

but if it’s because of something i said

i am sorry…i didn’t mean to hurt you

我只是想哭

只是想一直哭

我只想消失

只是想不存在

我能哭到自己消失吗？

 

累坏了

要怎么办？

有些事情我真的不知该怎么处理

有些事情我真的想放着不理

有些事情我认为只要我没了就会好了

有些事情其实并不是那么简单

如果能换回你们的快乐我什么都愿意

觉不觉得有我在的地方就会有问题出现？

觉不觉得我是只是个带来麻烦的女孩？

觉不觉得我是个扫把星？

 

it doesn't matter whether i'm gonna be here tomorrow,next week,next month or next year.i may be gone anytime but please just feel that i am here while i am still here...

 

2.21am

some people don’t like me being in emo state and posting stuff like these on facebook

maybe you are right…yeah…i’m just polluting facebook…sorry for that

went lunch/tea time with pok pok today

then went to 100 yen shop eat the ice shave thingy

bought some seaweed too

makan makan

sedap sedap^^

happy happy

hehe

=)

 

thank you pok pok

*hugs*

 

6.40pm

have to bath then continue assignment lor

today not so stress thanks to pok pok

*hugs*

24 hours in a day is NOT enough for me

i need MORE time!!!

argh!!!

help!!!

 

8.54pm

go mandi then have to start working down my to do lists

it’s so long…=(

GAMBATEH ai!!!

the past few days have been really busy for me

the next few days will be busy too

really tired today

physically,emotionally and mentally

i want a long vacation just lying down by the beach doing nothing

 

went to the park again today with carrot

walk on the grass bare footed

see the blue blue sky and the white white clouds

feel the wind on my skin that is so refreshing

love the wind that blows before the rains comes

there’s a type of smell to it that makes me feel calm

 

i’m tired…

i want a shoulder to rest on

i want a big warm loving hug

 

i miss my ex

i miss jacob

i miss pok

i miss carrot

i miss ezen

i miss stef

i miss the good times

 

love quote if the day

Everybody forgets the basic thing; people are not going to love you unless you love them.

-- Pat Carroll

11.50pm

good night

hope that tomorrow will be a better day

=)