Ai's Diary

Received a call from my eldest sister on Saturday,father is not feeling very well. Plans for the Chinese New Year will be canceled. Since that call, I have this uncomfortable feeling bothering me all the time, bad thoughts that can’t seems to stay away.

 

Daddy is getting old, he is turning 70 soon. There are some worst case scenarios that might happen but we just don’t talk about it. We just push it aside. But for me, there’s this feeling that is creeping silently at that tiny little corner of my heart, the fear of losing, the fear of death. 

 

For the coming Chinese New Year, all that i wish for is that my father will recover soon and be healthy always. I don’t need a lot of “ang pao”, money can’t buy health and happiness. I shall pray for him, although praying is not something i normally do.

 

There are still many things that i want to do for him. Many places i want to bring him visit. Many cuisine that i would want to let him try. Most importantly i want to be a daughter that can finally take care of him, and mommy.

 

It has been raining non-stop since last night.

 

Today i emo.

 

the past 3 days feels like any other normal day we spent together

the only difference is that you left for australia yesterday

a place where the vase indian ocean divides us

at least we didn’t cried at the airport

instead we laughed our hearts out to the very last moments

i am glad that we didn’t part in tears

=)

 

one day before you flew for australia

we went to tropicana city mall

we held hands while you were driving like usual

 

finally got the dress in xs size

thank you dear i ♥ it so much

 

had so much fun playing with the cats and dogs at the exhibition

i know you love the boston terrier that made you feel like a father dear :P

 

snapping silly pictures in the elevator

:D

 

had fun hanging out with your secondary friends while i played fruit ninja

and not to forget trying the spaghetti trick on roti tissue xD

 

 

on the day you board the plane

your good friends aka brothers came to send you off

 

and me trying to spend every last moments with my dear

p/s: someone cut his hair and looks funny/cute :P

 

our final hugs for a long long time

will miss them the most

*picture credit to ezen*

  

one day after my dear flew to australia

i spent the whole day in my room

wasting time fb-ing, watching downloaed movies and slept

although i miss him but it felt like he is still here

as if he never left my side

 

the funny thing is i was wrong for so many things

i thought i will cry sending him off but i didn’t

i thought i will cry after few hours cause i am blur and emotion kicks in slow but i didn’t

i thought i will cry the next day but i didn’t

i thought i would feel scared and insecure but i didn’t

 

i was puzzled

but now

i know the reason

him and me

we have something special

something that can’t be explained

and i know that he will come back to me

and no matter how far he is

he will miss me and i will miss him

 

i never felt this way before

this is the first time

i am glad i am alright

i hope my dear is coping well as well

 

lots of love hugs and kisses to you my dear

i ♥ u

There is so much to blog about but there is so little time to do so. I respect people who has the discipline to write their diary every single night or update their blog every so often. Lately life has been busy with lots of good times with good food and companies, though there are a few down times. But overall life has been kind to me this year and I am truly grateful for that. Hsiang will be leaving for Australia in another 6 days, that is less than a week. Time really flies and i hope it flies faster after he is in Australia, so we can meet each other again. And may our relationship stay strong and overcome whatever that may come in its way.

 

This semester has been an interesting one. Though I am always passionate about projects and studies in the beginning of the semester, the fire tend to go off as the time passes and I am worried of that. I am bursting of ideas for the International Marketing project on the first discussion and kind off convinced others to go with that concept, but now I am hesitating. I just hope that thing will turn out great as I imagine it in my head. Another challenge that awaits me was Miss Lim’s Speech Communication class. I am always scared of Miss Lim. I even termed the phrase “miss lim phobia” for it. To make things worse the whole semester will involve a whole lot of standing at the front and speaking. However, my self introduction turned out to be quite interesting. It goes roughly something like this.

 

“Hi, my name is Ai. I am not going to introduced myself today, instead I will talk about my 2 greatest fear to be in this class. Firstly, I am afraid to stand in front of a crowd to give a speech. I am a very low profile person that I can be easily be unnoticed in a class, even Miss Lim forgot my name and thought that I was Angie.That is the reason why I did not took part in any story telling or debating competition from primary to secondary school. Secondly, I am afraid of Miss Lim because she is like a real life Patrick Jane from the television series The Mentalist. She is very alert and can read people by observing the way they speak, walk,dress, place their things and facial expression. It is as if she could tell if you are lying or scared by looking into your eyes and observe the dilation of the pupils.”

 

My hands were shaking and i could hear my heartbeat so clearly when I was talking at the front. Miss Lim laughed at the point I described her to be like Patrick Jane. But after that she gave a profile review in front of the whole class. She said that I was brave, and although I like to be a low profile person, no matter I like it or not, I will be somebody important in the future. Then she added that if people know the way I work they will understand. One thing I do not understand is that I only took one subject under her which was Anthropology, how could she tell the way I work? After class I went up to her and ask for advice on how to give a better speech, because that was what she told to others who spoke at the front. But she told me the same thing> Though she added and said that I am not a person that will not go look for fights, but if a fight comes looking for me, I will never give up, that is a quality that will make me successful. Is that really so? I told her that I am not interested in all those but again she said no matter i like it or not, I will be someone important.

 

I believe that we can choose the path in life that we want to take. I am not interested in fame, power nor fortune. I dreamed of a simple life. A comfortable life without financial worries and good health together with the people I love. There is a possibility that I can be someone so powerful and famous and rich, but for the sake of a harmonious life, I am willing to give all that up. Happiness, health and family are more important than all those.

 

i choose family, happiness, health and wealth.

yesterday was not a good day

 

got into a fight 3 times

did not bought the air tickets

canceled mid valley plan

 

tried to make it a little better

decorated my room with the leftover balloons

watched “Little Women”

had some kampai

sleep

 

it was full moon yesterday

*hugs to everyone that did not had such a good day*

button biscuits and a hot cup of milo

one of my favorite pass time when i was young

 

now i still find pleasure in it

i am still young on the inside

=)

 

sometimes we just need to be reminded

the simple things that made us satisfied

the person we once were

 

a reminder with ♥ from ai

i will be turning 21 in another 5 days

the official legal age in malaysia

 

21 years old means

having the right to enter certain night clubs

and vote in elections to choose our leaders

but other than that

i can’t think of any other changes it will bring to my life

 

my wish list for birthday presents:

(no harm in wishing for something right?)

 

1. A sky blue color automated perodua myvi

(so i can get around without causing inconveniences to anyone)

 

2. A set of tiffany & co. white gold key pendant and chain

(cause all 21 year old girl should have one)

 

3.A blackberry bold

(so i can keep in touch through msn and email with my dear when he is in aussie all the time)

 

4.A holiday trip overseas for my family

(cause i love my parents and i want to bring them see the world)

 

5.Tickets to go aussie

(i want to visit my dear when he is there so that he won’t get too lonely)

 

there isn’t much that i want

shall add on to the list when i can think of something

 

one of my wishes have already came true

i made it came true with the help of my hsiang

now i am a proud owner of a blackberry bold

=)

 

i believe that wishes do come true

we just need to wish hard enough

then opportunities will come knocking at the door

when this happens all we need to do is be brave enough to snatch it

of course there is always consequences for each action

just be ready to face it =)

 

 

saw these candles at the kitchen window pane

all dusty and covered with webs

forgotten

 

will my birthday be forgotten too?

It has been awhile since I go back to my hometown and spend some quality time with my parents. Although I had an one month college holiday, I used it to work my ass off earning some extra cash. I almost break at one point that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to attend college. But fortunately college was postponed to January 10th. Hooray for me!!! So I decided to go back to my hometown-Tampin.=)

 

Nothing feels more like home than my Tampin home. The familiar scenery of the small town, my mom’s awesome cooking, my dad talking non-stop about some stuff which i hardly pay any attention too, meals every few hours, awesome naps and etc. The best part of this trip is my dear followed me back this time, this mean i get to spend time with him, and my dad has a friend to talk to which has comment interest as him, which is----cars.=.= In a way he is my scapegoat lar.HAHAHAHAHA….sorry dear.

 

Hsiang is flying off to Australia end of this month, so this would be his last chance to spend some time with me in Tampin. Though much of my goals was not accomplished but it’s okay, at least we spend some time together. He almost could not make it cause he had to go for a medical check up, but after that was done he took the night bus and came to find me.YAY.thank you dear. We had little fights here and there, but we are good and we talked and we learned. That’s what I like about him, talking things out and settling stuff.Plus, I send a meaningful message that meant a lot to him and me. You know what I am talking about right dear? hehehe…

 

Mom made me went to dentist to extract my wisdom tooth. But deep down i don’t really want too. There are many things that i afraid in life, but going to the dentist is top on my list and i shall tell why.

 

My top fears in order

1. Cabut gigi/tooth extraction

2. Injections/needles

3.Eating medicines

 

So if i have to extract my tooth i will have to face 2 of my biggest fears in one shot. Of course i can’t take it. So while waiting outside i already started crying. Then there’s 2 kids looking at me. But dun care, i cry my business la. And i kept pinching my dear to release stress which was not a good idea. Sorry dear.=(  

 

The thing that i hate most is people keep telling me that everything will be alright and i am a strong girl so i can get through it. But the fact is it burdens me cause it is as if i can’t be weak, i have to be strong in every single thing, which is very tiring and stressful. Daddy keep telling me to stop crying and stop giving trouble to myself and people around me. But in my heart i ask this questions, “have i not been independent enough and give you less trouble? Can’t i at least be like this when i am afraid and week?have you not seen how hard i am trying not to burden you?”

 

Fortunately there no need for an extraction. My teeth were senget cause i lazy never use the retainer after the braces. And dentist told me that wisdom tooth won’t grow if there’s no sufficient space for it. But who cares what the reason is, no need cabut gigi i am happy enough already.

 

Alright.Been talking too much.Photos time.Yay.

the cat that look my my cat that died.

guess what?my dad calls it by the same name as well.

so i named it “old man no2”.

  dear accompanying me at the dentist

   dear and me playing with cats at behind the house

it was fun.hehehe…=) 

 

One of the days, i forgot which day, dad decided to go to Air Mawang to have laksa and pao for tea time. It was like 20 mins drive. Just for laksa? My parents rocks.xD Well they all had laksa and “cham” which is coffee mix with tea, but i had roti bakar cause i can’t eat spicy food.=( But the roti bakar is so awesome!!! So much better than the ones in Shiok. Old kopitiam makes the best roti bakar. After that we dropped by Dangi and gave my honey Stephanie a surprise visit by popping out in front of her front door. It was a last minute and random thing but she surely is shocked. So mission accomplish!!Yay. Hsiang’s first time in Dangi. Hope he likes it.

 

the keledek goreng and AWESOME ROTI BAKAR

 

introduced dear to Long Chan drinks

my favorite when i was in primary school

 

at the end of that day

we sat outside enjoying the sunset

and feeding mosquitoes

then we saw a perfect rainbow

it’s was perfect ending to a totally great day

=)

me “sun bathing” at pulau payar,langkawi.

 

i miss the warmth of sunlight on my skin

 

been working in Jusco at 1Utama for the past 2 days

it is freaking cold in there the whole time

i was freezing to the point that i shivers

and i haven seen daylight for 2 days

=(

 

i miss the feeling of warmth when i suddenly come out from a cold place and into the sunlight

it feels so good…so warm…so nice…so sweet…