Received a call from my eldest sister on Saturday,father is not feeling very well. Plans for the Chinese New Year will be canceled. Since that call, I have this uncomfortable feeling bothering me all the time, bad thoughts that can’t seems to stay away.
Daddy is getting old, he is turning 70 soon. There are some worst case scenarios that might happen but we just don’t talk about it. We just push it aside. But for me, there’s this feeling that is creeping silently at that tiny little corner of my heart, the fear of losing, the fear of death.
For the coming Chinese New Year, all that i wish for is that my father will recover soon and be healthy always. I don’t need a lot of “ang pao”, money can’t buy health and happiness. I shall pray for him, although praying is not something i normally do.
There are still many things that i want to do for him. Many places i want to bring him visit. Many cuisine that i would want to let him try. Most importantly i want to be a daughter that can finally take care of him, and mommy.
It has been raining non-stop since last night.
Today i emo.
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