Finished watching all the episodes of Glee that i downloaded at 3.50am, switch off my lappie and was ready for bed.But i just couldn’t fall asleep,there’s so much things going through my head. So now here i am at 4.12am switching on my lappie again to pour out whatever it is so i can sleep in peace.
Slept very late the night before and woke up very early for work, stayed up till now and i’m not sure how much sleep i will get.Tomorrow will be another long day with college starting at 10am finishing at 2pm and work starting at 3pm ending at 9pm.Can i make through the day? well, i do not have a choice but to survive it. It’s like in the movies, where a lips keep moving saying all the things that i need to do, go to college go to work remember to study psychology remember to read the research papers must find time to write blog must spare sometime to write the memory book it’s time to fold the clothes remember to do sales management assignment etc etc and as the voice speaks it goes faster and faster till at one point the i would just faint or scream “STOP!!!”. I do wonder when is the day that my body will not be able to take anymore of this and just shuts down. Sometimes i do look forward to that day cause i am really so tired.But that’ll will not happen,it’s impossible, right?
There was this episodes of Glee that was about DREAMS, dreams that everyone secretly has and should not be afraid of dreaming about it. Well i gave up a big part of dreaming since my first relationship just crashed and burnt without a notice. He built this big dream about the future of us being together having a family and everything else that matters and that dream grew so build that the day the builder set the dynamite to bring it down, i crashed along with it, buried in the remains, like a captain that went down with his ship. I’m afraid to dream since then, and even if i do, i do not dream big. I learn to break my dreams into smaller parts because i learn that the bigger the dream the more it will hurt when it don’t work out. That’s my i play on the safe side. Never say "never" and never say "forever". Nothing is impossible even the sweetest promises that might seem so convincing at the beginning, that’s my rule. But being in a new relationship with ice cream dear that is going so well, healthy and stable makes me have the courage to start loosen up a little and start dreaming again, bit by bit.There are things that i want but i just do not dare to hope and talk about too much. I’m controlling myself and i hope i can stay in control so that i won’t stray to far from course. Dream only dreams that i can control to make it come true. The rest of it? Just do the best i can and hope for the best. I do believe that people can change other people lives like how ice cream dear makes me happy and makes it not stupid to dream of having my own small bakery one day. I have simple dreams now.Simple but enough for me.=)
Another thing about Glee is finding, being and expressing the person we are not who we want to be. Will put a note on that. Seriously need to get some sleep.Just hope that i can sleep. I really do need my rest. good night ice cream dear tho you are already sleeping like a pig now.*hugs*
4.47am
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