it has been an roller coaster ride the past two weeks. everything is in a mess. i am trying so hard to get things back to normal. what is normal? it’s so subjective. i am starting to feel that frequent ups and downs in my life is considered normal. hahaha that means i want to have an extraordinary life. what is extraordinary then? in my context here extraordinary here means a peaceful always things work out for me type of life. but who am i kidding? lie to myself yeah right. wake up from dream face the reality.
i skipped class on monday. the irony of it i actually manage to get myself out the house and walked all the way to the bus stop but i gave up while waiting. i ended up spending 2 hours at the park nearby my house and another 1 hour at the bakery i used to work catching up with old friends. it was delightful that day. i felt so light. i sat in the park and observe everything around me, it feels good to see and feel. i exchange glances with a young girl who i later saw holding hand in hand her little sister whom just finish her school. an uncle who was walking around the park smiled to me and i smiled back. the thing about smile, it breaks the ice and makes the world not that scary even to strangers. bought an ice cream from an indian uncle riding those motorcycle with the freezer at the side type. was caught in between the choice of ice cream cone and paddle pop, the same problem i have since i was a kid. i didn’t change a bit.lol. it feels good though to found out that there’s a part of me that remained the same. made my orange bag as a pillow and rested my neck a little under the pondok. close my eyes.hear the birds walking on top of the zinc roofs, hear the birds on the trees sending out secret messages only they could understand.hear the paddle pop song from a distance. hear the rain drops hitting the soil.
andy left the bakery already.andy was gay.but i liked him. he was…talented :) uncle teh also left. guess he finally decides to retire and spend his days with his wife in malacca. he was a joker, the person who made the bakery so lively with he stupid jokes. he used to talk about opening his own bread shop in malacca and even want me to be his business partner. when he was still there, he would always go back to see his wife, and when he does, he would buy so much food for her.he loved her much. aunty on the other bought a house in usj 4.kak yees is still the same always asking me to eat more.emily is still there too but busy cause she had to take over andy’s job. i enjoyed my time there eating Sheppard's pie. something that i always wanted to eat but never bought it even once. it was delicious. plus aunty gave me discount. it felt good to be back there again. i miss the life there somehow.
life is about pushing your limits, keep doing things that exceeds your capabilities. i am doing that, but from what i have learnt from my experience this time, we should know our limits as well. i know that if i head to class that day i would certainly snap, my emotions were unstable for so many days, i felt i was stretch so thin. i knew if i went to class, especially miss lim class, i will crack. i don’t see my act as running away, i see it as taking a break or taking a breath from everything. everyone needs a break just that the timing should be right. i feel my decision was correct as the days after, i felt better.gradually healing.
miss putri mentioned in wednesday class though that i have MIA for some time. haha. silence is golden. :) miss lim asked why i was not present for monday class on thursday. my answer? “i have no valid reason” tak kan i want to say “miss i cannot attend your class cause i know i would snap” meh. on that very class she gave me an impromptu practice speech. titled RAIN. i talked about tears cause when i cry i will always say that i’m raining. it was a metaphor according to miss lim and she said i did okay.ck bbm me told me i was great.thank you ck. well all i can say is that i just express it in my own terms.
sister birthday was on tuesday. parents came to stay with us.but we didn’t blow candle till the very next day during dinner.and that also brother in law wasn’t present. it’s hard to have everyone there. on thursday sister and brother in law flew to new zealand. so parents will be with me for the next 2 weeks.yay! i brought mom to carrefour for grocery shopping, and i pushed the cart following her around like i used to. the cart felt small now, i remember it to be above my height long long time ago.i grew.mom was excited over the choices.spoiled for choices she is and to see her greedy face that wants everything is just so cute. my mom is so cute.
had a one day in ss15 with parents today. introduced mom and dad to rm2 vegetarian shop lol.convert mom into RT lover and had tea time at hailam kopitiam because it’s from kuala pilah so dad wanted to try it out. oh and went to miif plus with mom.honestly like mother like daughter. we looked around then bought something. when we came out we told each other that we bought something cause we feel the shop so kesian no business. my mom has a very kind heart.;)
link to blogpost of art market by sister HERE
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