i finally broke down today
i am no supergirl i am no strong enough
or maybe i am not as strong as i think i am
the feeling of being a trouble to almost everyone around me is is...i don't know the word to describe it
the feeling of being a trouble and unwanted....i am a trouble for my sister,her parents in-laws,my parents,my eldest sister,hsiang,my friends,my employer...etc...just everyone...
the bubble inside me just burst
feeling frustrated and stress and anger and a whole lot of negative feeling
small little expectations from so many people build up stress inside of me
expectation from my parents that i can do well in my studies and work well to take care of myself
expectation from my second sister and eldest sister to get good result
expectation from hsiang expectation from friends expectation from my agent to meet sales target
little by little that it accumulated that it became so big
but i was able to sustain it although i was barely coping with everything while grasping for air
but today is a bad day and it disrupted the balance and it burst
i'm frustrated and screaming in my heart so hard that i want to be free
but can anyone hear me?no. so i close the door and cry in my room
the unpleasantness happen this afternoon i was willing to put aside and let myself cool down
cleaned my room,did laundry changed the sheets and had an sweet afternoon nap
then i read what he wrote...and that was it...
went to dinner at 6.30pm,was happy thinking that will be back early so i can do assignment
ended up being there till 8.30pm cause brother in law went out to fetch his father in petaling
have you any idea how jam is it to go out 6pm+ and come back
how long we have to waited
then was the other thing that happen
i'm emotionally unstable now
the string of events that happened today triggered the sensitive part of me and now i'm down flat
everything that i have to do is in a standstill mode
i know i need to do my assignment and i have to
i will skip sales class tomorrow so i can burn the midnight oil tonight
i'm a person who keep unhappy things inside of me
that's not good cause it will build up gradually
i need someone to talk to
but i don't know who...
someone that is not here
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