Ai's Diary

i walked out of the bakery and stood outside for very long today
it felt so calm and relaxing that i wished it could last forever that way
i love that weather the most, not sunny not cloudy not rainy
but the calmness before the big thunderstorm approaches

the sky turning grey and dark being swallowed by the heavy rain clouds
across the horizon lightning strike occasionally that could blind my eyes
followed by the big bangs of thunder that when it reach my ears scared me a little
and then there's the air.ahhh..the air...i can smell the rain in the air
the smell before the rain pours down and wet everything in it's way.no mercy
it's so damp so sweet so evil so cold. everything that i love to feel.

my heart is in a mess lately
i do not know what i want.i feel so lost.
i'm struggling to get out
it's like i'm trap under tons of clutter which is building up each day
and no matter how much i try i just couldn't free myself
today it's the only time in a very long time that i managed to breath
but then i've fallen back into the darkness again

i've been staring at my dinner for more than half an hour
i just don't have the appetite although my hands are getting weak
how i wish i could just stare into that sky again and feel what i felt once more
and wish that it would last forever