some days i wake up in the morning
i open my eyes and see the sunshine
then i said to myself
"it’s good to be alive"
some days i wake up in the morning
i open my eyes and the sun is shining as usual
but i’ll say with a little disappointment in my little heart
"shit.i’m still alive.why am i still alive"
some days i wake up and i lay still in my bed
staring into empty spaces and listen quietly to everything
i accept the fact that i’m alive and say to myself
"today is going to be a great and happy day"
i think the one that i do the most is the third one
sometimes i feel it’s a big fat lie that i’m telling myself
that i’m cheating myself over and over again day after day
and i wonder why i still fall for it or should i say why do i believe in it
maybe it’s because i need a reason to get out of bed
a reason to walk out of the door to do the things i need to do
even if the reason is just something that isn’t really exist
i live therefore i’m alive?
or i’m alive therefore i live?
both i think
i wake up feeling life is beautiful and meaningful
therefore i do everything i can to get the best out of it
is those time that i feel i’m alive because i live a happy life
i eat because i want to stay alive not because i’m alive therefore i eat
the things i do do not stem from mere feeling of responsibilities
but the feel of being grateful that i’m living the life i want and being happy
on other days i wake up in the morning and i feel that i’m breathing
my senses are all working perfectly
i’m still alive.i’m still alive.
therefore i still have the responsibilities of being alive and continue being in that state
so i get out of bed and continue with life
eating,studying,working,going out.
but for what purpose?
i do not know
then why not end my own life a friend once asked me
i do not have the answer
i am not afraid of death
i am only afraid of dying
many times i sat in the express bus hoping that it’ll crash and i’ll die
but for that countless times everytime it reached the destination safely
i have this feeling of disappointment and relieve at the same time
sad that i have to live the pathetic live yet happy to still get to see my loved ones
at other time before i go to sleep i wish that i’ll never wake up the next morning
but when i did…well,it depends on how i see the world on that particular day
the question of why a person would want a child knowing that the child will cause anger and so much pain to the parents
and the child itself might even go through pain in life is the same as the question why do you want to live
there’s no definite answer
what is the purpose of studying?to get a good job.
what is the purpose of having a good job?so that can earn more money.
what is the purpose of earning more money?so that can a have a better life.
what is the purpose of having a better life? so that we can be happy?
but what is the ultimate purpose of life?
what if it’s like me.i have no purpose in life.
lost with no direction.
sometimes i just feel not worthy
sometimes i regret some decisions that i make
sometimes i wish i could change the decisions that i made
a friend asked me once that if i had only one chance to go back into the past and change something,what would i change?
that time i answered him that i would prevent the existence of myself,i’ll prevent me from coming into this world
it’ll be a lot a difference if i did not exist.yes.a lot.things would have been much better.in a way.
today i’ll still give the same answer to whoever that ask me that question
because i am not worthy of living
i almost died twice
once i almost drown
the other time i almost got hit by a bus
but i survive both
sometimes i wish the i didn’t
what am i to you?
how much do i worth to you?
i’m tired today.
today i wish that i’ll not be waking up tomorrow
even tho deep down inside i know i will
but if i a wish can come true
i don’t mind wishing for it
12.40am
0 comments:
Post a Comment