Ai's Diary

random decision
random words that follow
感情用事
不想了
有何错？
有你的地方就不会有我
think too much
doing too much
why do i feel like i'm working so hard but my life still not improving
while other people's life is so easy,happy,good and smooth?
just my luck maybe
tired of thinking for others
i shall be selfish starting from today

my last words here
good bye

i feel so unappreciated

i feel so unsatisfied

i feel so useless

i feel worthless

i feel sad

and there’s nothing i can do about it

nothing that i am doing is helping me get better

blame it on the full moon,it’s 100% full moon today

 

woke up to great morning

cool weather soft sunlight

did my house chores

baked my cupcakes

was happy for a moment there

did retailing.period.

 

went to college

gave some cupcakes to ice cream dear

kept the rest for retailing class

tthoe birthday

happy birthday thian hoe

period.

 

after college found out that it was hotdog day

ice cream dear took me to the petronas at usj 2 to eat 1901 hotdogs

so random…we just decided on it on the spot

was happy for a moment there too

 

didn’t do any assignments tonight

was not in the mood for it

don’t really know what is the point of working so hard. period.

did some photo editing and printing instead

was happy for a moment there three

but it didn’t really lasted

and what was meant a small joke turn out to be a disaster again.period.

 

today is really not my day

feel like crying

is it the full moon？

been in this up and down mood for days now

i don’t like it.

 

11pm

shall go try and sleep

i don’t care anymore

why should i when people don’t care about me

giving up again…my optimism is fading…

 

why am i thinking about death at 2am in the morning?

it just came to my mind suddenly,that all.

i’m not afraid of death,i’m just afraid of dying

 

if i die

i do not want to have a grave

i do not want to be burned and placed in a small box

i do not want to have a plague in which people will pray to me

 

if i die

i want to be burned and my ashes thrown into the sea

i want to be remembered only by people that really cared

i want to only live in the memories and heart of people that truly love me

i want to save people of all the trouble and resources wasted if they were to pray for me every year

 

if i die

i want a colorful funeral

i want a fun filled funeral

i want happy music played all the time

i want my funeral to be like a birthday party

with helium balloons,bubbles,pretty dresses and cakes

i want people to be happy and enjoy and have fun

it’s a celebration that i’ve been finally release from the misery of living

 

i live my live each day trying to be as happy as possible

i maybe not been living to the fullest

but i least i tried

i shall have no regrets

woke up at 12pm

seriously babi like madness xD

half of my sunday gone,just like that =(

 

went to summit to have lunch with ice cream dear

was craving for mc donald for who knows how long

finally had it today..yay!!thank you dear =)

amazingly i ate A LOT

one fillet-o-fish

one regular fries

one apple pie

one sundae ice cream

one coke

stuff all those into my small small tummy

felt like exploding that very moment

"dear.my tummy feels like it is inflated but my body feels like it is deflated"

and we had a good laugh over that stupid sentence

i love a good stupid laugh

 

accompany ice cream to cut his hair

hmm..he don’t want to cut no.3

so sad…now cut edi also not much difference one

must make him change hairstyle next time,don’t care edi

the second haircut for dear and only one haircut for me

shall keep counting…hehe…

 

then we went giant to buy supplies

i’m going to start baking!!!

but when?err…see first la

bought flour,caster sugar,icing sugar,eggs,milk,butter and colored stars

went back home and found out that i still have lots of supply

one box of flour,one butter,2 packs of caster sugar and 1 pack of icing sugar

chieh yen said "you went to buy stuff again?"

"you know how many packs of sugar you have or not?"

"you better finish it…"

opps…next time must check my supplies first before go shopping

but at least now i have things and can bake anytime =)

 

then i saw this cupcake making kit at mph

OMG!!i want it so badly!!

there’s 2

one is the rm30++ the other is RM60++

i want both of them

but this month low on cash edi =(

shall save up and buy it

but which one?

in dilemma…

 

spend the rest of the afternoon in the car under some trees

we talked and looked at the tress leaves while listening to songs

it was nice and relaxing…i love a simple and lazy sunday afternoon

and a teh o ais limao at the mamak on a hot sunday afternoon before we go back

thank you dear,today was a nice day,overall =)

 

8.40pm

shall start doing retailing again

or alicia will kill me

xD

thorn between both sides
when in a relationship, it's kinda hard to find the balance
i want to spend time with my friends but at the same time want to spend time with him equally much too
it's hard to choose between the two cause they are equally important
and juggling between the two is certainly not an easy task
that's the down side of being in a relationship
losing some degree of freedom
but the advantage is having someone that i care and care for me

getting too attached however is not a good thing
it makes me suffocate a little,if you know what i mean
kinda got used to my space and freedom
and i need them a lot sometimes
will try to find the balance
i hope

8.00pm
earth hour in half an hour
going to support it
^^

just finish my bath but still feeling tired

can’t believe i’m awake at 1.40am

with no assignment due next day

damn damn tired…

 

anthropology presentation is OVER!!

yay!!!but kena kantoi by lecturer

i confirm phobia of miss lim edi

"you talk too fast when you are nervous"

yes…i know that miss lim,since long time ago…

but pagi pagi kena kantoi edi

damn annoying la

 

skipped the last half an hour class of advertising

went to puchong jaya with ice cream dear to pay saman

that damn stupid police station tutup for fridays prayers

suppose to close at 1pm but 12.30pm they all not there edi

so damn pissed off…went there twice,twice also not open

i really hate government department la

these malay people eat shit one

take break from 12.30pm to 3pm

wonder what the hell they do in the prayer room

 

after that went to mount kiara with my college friend gang

it’s been so long since i went out with the group

it was a lot of fun although we did not do much

datin ezen,big sis angie,batu api tthoe,hip hop danny,vegetarian shane,emo ck,pikachu thuyen

ice cream dear also tag along but he had to miss his badminton session and steamboat with his friends..

and he forgot that he has to send wei wei to tuition so kena kantoi by mom…sorry dear for that…=(

 

went to hartamas and solaris mount kiara,then pass by segambut to get to kepong then all the way to setapak

blowed bubble gums,drank hoegarden beer (tthoe brand beer xD),ate cheese naan and tanddori at steven’s

and finally shisha at angerik usj 2

it’s been LONG since i last had shisha

didn’t really shisha last week because i was coughing

i really enjoyed shisha today…went all stone and high a little

thanks guys ^^ but the effect is wearing off already =(

 

and i’m really really sorry for everything that happen today dear

i know i should stop saying sorry but i can’t help it

1. about stuff vignas said

2.that you have to miss your badminton session

3.that you have to pass the steamboat outing with your college friends

4.that you kena kantoi by your mom cause you can’t send wei wei to tuition

5.some stuff i accidentally said that hurt your heart

i shall learn to stop bringing you out that much from now onwards,you need to start studying really hard edi

and shall not take you away from your friends and family…=)

finally shall try to think before i talk which is a little hard but i’ll try :P

 

2.00am

shall go sleep now

tomorrow do assignment

gambateh^^

nite nite

"i think i’m going mad"

"in the matter of fact, i think you are."

"but let me tell you a secret, all the great people are"

-Alice in Wonderland

 

since that they put it that way

i don’t mind being all crazy and mad

oh wait…i was never bothered that i am crazy

hahaha…silly me…=)

 

ice cream dear told me he wanted to finish off the last 2 episodes of GLEE with me just now

he wanted to know what is going to happen to the pregnant cheerleader

and the conflict between her boyfriend and the guy with the weird hairstyle

then i was like “HUH?!?!YOU?!GLEE?!?!”

but he admit he want to watch it and i glad he does

or maybe he just saying cause he wants to spend more time with me

since that is one of the ways to get me to vig’s house and sit still

poor ice cream,tortured by me to watch 8 episodes of GLEE in a day

 

did a lot today

change my bed sheet and washed the comforter and all

wipe the windows and my fan

sweep and mop the floor

change my hamster bedding

folded the clothes

finished anthro slides

stoned for one hour cause of i don’t know why

compiled retailing assignment but still not satisfied

for retailing test i not sure what to say

i shall cross my fingers and see what happens

anyway i’m satisfied with today’s outcome

going to sleep now

nite nite ^^

 

11.20pm

high assay principle is when money is invested in areas that will yield the best returns.
i learnt this in retailing class just a few minutes ago and now here i am skipping it to write about it.
it's the way my lecturer puts it that makes me so interested and think it from a different perspective
she somehow reminds me of myself at times
back topic

according to cassey (my retailing lecturer),when parents invest more in a certain child, no matter it is time or money,which in her case is her sister, they will EXPECT more from them. This is quite true, because the more DEPENDENT you are to somebody, the more RESPONSIBILITIES you have towads that someone,and the more they will expect from you till a point that they will take you for GRANTED and won't APPRECIATE the things you do anymore.everything you do are just like the things that you are SUPPOSE to do for them..it is unnecessarily has to be parents.it can be your siblings as well,which is in my case.sometimes it can even be your friends or maybe your partner.anyway,for me, my parents didn't invest much on me,but they certainly do love me a lot,they love all 3 of us sister equally lots, it's just that when it came to my time,daddy retired from work and financially he wasn't able to give me a lot,and my sister which just graduated from university has to keep herself alive.both of them.so i ended up living with what i have and honestly, i think i am a good child, i don't demand things from my parents,nor from my sister and compared to my sisters i did not get much things that are paid by parents.i am not coplaining in anyway. i am just comparing my life and theirs.

cassey said another thing which i think is true as well. when someone has more freedom, they will be more bad, or maybe wild in other sense.we people(including me) with lots of freedom are more independent and don't treat people as nice because we don't have responsibilties. somehow i feel people that treat other nice are just hypocrite that are secretly treating you nice because they want something from you,maybe not in the short run but in the long run.in other words they are engaging in human investment.anyway.one thing casssey said was when you are bad all along and suddenly treat someone nice,they will go like "oh,you are being nice" then that is like a bonus for us.but for nice people which are always nice, people will not get surprise and eventually take them for granted.

i seriously need to get back to class.
shall brush this post up later.
9.50am
and yeah,i love cassey,not in a gay way of course.
=)

FO
a new thing i learnt from retailing lecturer cassey yesterday
when people don't appreciate you just say FO
when life gets tough just say FO
when you are just angry and loss for word just say FO
when you hate everything just say FO
just say FO for everything when it doesn't feel right

argh...the first message to read that says "please send my your slides part by 6pm" is definitely not a good jump start for a busy day ahead.it just make things worse.didn't knew about it till that very moment.going to klcc to take storefront picture for retailing  assignment.need to study for retailing test tomorrow.and now prepare slides?how am i suppose to do this all in a day?i am not a supergirl that can sacrifice my sleep,staying awake for more than 24 hours, with sleep less than 5 hours in 40 hours.ALWAYS!been doing it so often that i am so tired of it.my body is all worn out for goodness sake. i am damn pissed damn annoyed and i want my life back.go the hell with anthro.go the hell with college life.shit shit shit shit shit!!!and now my bubble gun won't come out with proper bubbles!ish!!can it get any worse than this?if it do i swear i'll just screw my college life for this week.

all of a sudden i feel my life is so messed up

almost every aspect of it

my room is in a total mess

books on the floor,table,bed cupboard everywhere

note are unorganized put between pages in the text books

don’t know when is the assignments due date

or the test and quizzes date till that very week

when is finals exam?

my study table is in a mess

my bed is in a mess

my drawers are in a mess

my clothes in the cupboard are in a mess

my boxes are in a mess

my financial planning is in a mess

my head is in a mess

argh…everything seems to be in a mess

i need time to straighten things up but time is the one thing i’m short of

please please tell me what to do

i really want to get everything in order again

haven clean my room since last thursday

haven did any hair and face care routine since i can’t remember when

and my personal financial report?can’t even remember the last time i calculate my money

yeah…my life is in a mess…

i should start getting things into order again

miss the time when everything is in order

i feeling really frustrated over this matter

ish ish ish ish

another day of sleepless night all thanks to anthropology assignment

she is by far the most fussy lecturer i have so far

alignment not consistent,spacing not consistent,you sure this is font 12?

last friday was showered with bad comments

today again…sienz…

hard work for nothing

felt so de-motivated

 

slept in the car again today

ice cream dear didn’t wake me up again

he thought my class was at 10am and his class at 8am

but it was the other way round

silly ice cream…blur blur la you…

but still thank you for letting me nap

although i was late for class but at least i had some rest

thank you dear =)

 

skipped advertising and consumer behavior class again today

went to the apartment to have a good nice afternoon nap

just loves the sheets and comforter,it’s from IKEA!!!

ice cream dear made me eat lunch,although it’s just bread

but ice cream dear insists that i eat something

cause again i lack of food,no breakfast and only one sausage bun for lunch

then we watch one episode of GLEE before napping time

 

wake up?fall sick already…=(

cough even more badly than before

nose leaking and blocked and super sensitive

body keeps feeling hot and cold

ice cream dear wanted to make me go to the doctor

again i don’t want cause AI HATES THE DOCTOR

so ice cream dear made me drink a lot of water

2 whole cups of water in one go…he forced me…

but tomorrow ice cream dear going to give me vitamins

cause i don’t want medicine and see doctor

thank you dear…and thank you for taking care of me today

 

been craving for lotus root soup for sometime now

was telling ice cream dear in the car on the way back home

then when went for dinner…eh?LOTUS ROOT SOUP!!!

my wish came true!!!haha…the law of attraction

that’s why i get what i want,most of the time

just keep thinking about it in a happy way

then somehow it will find it’s way to me =)

 

10.10pm

going to sleep now, seriously need my rest

want to get out of this sick condition that has been with me for 2 weeks

thank you ice cream dear for everything today

i shall get well soon and so i can allow you to kiss me :P

nite nite

was awake for more than 24 hours yesterday

slept less than 3 hours in 40 hours

thanks to anthropology assignment that ended up have to redo again

 

didn’t have a proper meal since yesterday morning

yesterday breakfast     :NOTHING

yesterday lunch          :small mc d burger

yesterday dinner         :one small bowl of soup

today’s breakfast         :NOTHING

today’s lunch              :still waiting

all thanks to plans that didn’t work out well

oh well…i have no control over everything

just have to live with it

 

i think i gonna loss weight again due to the lack of sleep and food

now i know how i maintain my “AWESOME” figure!!!xD

people if you wanna lose weight kindly follow Ai’s diet plan

guaranteed will work within 30 days..muahaha!!!

 

going to hot air balloon festival with ice cream dear later

there’s going to be hot air ballon la of course,duh

and kites and para gliding and remote control planes

and most importantly FIREWORKS!!!

 

i’m totally excited now

managed to borrow chieh yen’s dslr

now i can join ice cream dear to take pictures!!!

can’t wait to start our journey

now waiting for ice cream dear to get ready

will grab a bite and some food and 100plus

then we shall start our journey

hehe^^

 

1,10pm

today will be another great day =)

i’m pissed off,really pissed

so pissed that i refuse to eat

even said a big NO to ice cream

 

some people can just be so

inconsiderate & irresponsible

there’s a thing in our modern world called HANDPHONES

it is a tool that can be used to INFORM people about stuff

so that other people would not have to WASTE their TIME and ENERGY

sitting down doing nothing and let their STOCMACH suffer

waiting for NOTHING

 

i think this is the point which marks some changes in choices will take place

 

12.50am

finished 8 episodes GLEE in a day

YAY!!!COMPLETED MACRO ASSIGMENT AND POWER POINT SLIDES ALREADY!!!

now i shall reward my self by letting myself to blog before continue with anthropology report

 

the past few days have been busy but meaningful as usual

did lots of things with ice cream dear and had lots of fun

the photoshoot on sunday with ice cream dear,joann hunny and thean is definitely a great time

 

the plan was to start our journey at 6am and my plan was to wake up at 5am

but i woke up LATE!!!but still the earliest.muahaha!!!

called to wake ice cream dear that overslept..babi king ice cream..silly ice cream..xD

we picked up joann hunny then went to pick up thean at puchong kinrara

that fellow overslept…wake joann hunny up but went back to sleep himself

but anyway we still had a FUN FUN MORNING!!!

 

we went to a park with a lake somewhere in petaling jaya

near amcorp mall there…i think is called taman jaya

it was still dark when we reach there and we were making lots of noise

and there this either homeless or drunk uncle there by the bench

i think we disturbed his beauty sleep..xD

lazy to type today…so…

 

let the pictures do the talking

=)

the 1st picture i took in the car

the reflection effect is nice

♥ this picture a lot

 

Mr. Pickles and Dill

 

 the either drunk or homeless uncle that i was talking about

somehow felt pity for him

 

i'm ice cream dear’s assistance photographer^^

 

ohana…

it means family

yes i brought all my soft toys to the park

xD

nice picture right?

i take one oo…i’m not bad in taking pictures

=) 

 

camhored with dear using the dslr

we are very very very syiok sendiri people

my attempt to take an artistic picture

not bad la right? 

 

Mr Pickles and Dill again

resembles ice cream dear and me

i think i’m the monkey cause i jump around a lot

xD

 

i think i’m obsessed with Mr pickles

can’t stop taking pictures of him

like i’m obsessed with ice cream dear

can’t stop from thinking of him

♥ you dear

somehow i just ♥ the feeling of this picture 

 

♥two is better than one♥

 

♥ the feeling of this picture too…=)

my pretty pretty shoes

i just ♥ them so much

 

naughty hsiang and thean messing up our hair

shall get you back next time dear

beware…muahaha!!!

our little happy family

just ♥ spending time with them 

 

they were afraid that i’ll fall

but i just can’t resist doing that

xD 

 

what are we looking at har?

xD

hunny joann and me

♥ you hunny!! 

 

 

PIGGY RIDE!!

hehe…:P

 

 

me and my silly faces

:D

 

exception to no kissing in public rule

♥ you ice cream  

 

1...2...say “cheese!!” 

 

1…2…3…Jump!!

eh why hunny never jump? 

 

finally…

success shot

yay!!! 

 

jump!jump!jump!

i just ♥ to jump

 

♥ this picture

ice cream dear looks happy

although i look dumb xD

i’m hyper

ice cream dear sleepy

too bad..=(

my hyperness finally jangkit to ice cream dear edi

jump dear jump!!

the picture of the day

photographer is me

what to do…i have skills ma

muahaha!!!

i’ll keep all your ♥ dear dun worry =) 

 

silly ice cream doing silly jumps

=) 

 

i can see your big fat belly dear

go diet!!

no more kebab with ♥ for you anymore

muahaha!!! 

 

i know you love me dear

but don’t you think it’s too early to propose?

and where’s my ring and flower?

bollywood  style

xD

♥ this picture too dear

looks natural

thank you for taking nice pictures of me

♥ you..muacks

 

my favorite picture

thank you dear for taking this picture

=) 

 

pictures of ice cream dear and me

♥ them and will treasure them always 

 

me playing ice cream dslr in the car

hehe…

♥ the pictures i took

♥ this picture super loads

thanks thean and joann for taking it

=) 

 

our dim sum breakfast at ss2

yummy…=) 

 

poor ice cream dear

tired till hug my bear to sleep after breakfast

*sayang sayang*

 

♥ taking pictures with ice cream dear

want to capture the moment and keep it with me

cause i have bad memory….haha…

but i want to remember those happy moments

♥ you dear

wish that we can have more photos to come in the future

=)

10.30pm

finally finish blogging

haha…now do assignment

haiz…