Ai's Diary

we all have our own lives
there's part of it that we want to share with someone special
there's part of it that we want to share it with family
there's part of it that we want to share it with friends
and there's a part of it that we want to spend it by ourselves
nevertheless, all that i want to do with my life is to live it to the fullness
as my daddy would put it
"do things to make life more meaningful.
create memories.
those are the only things that you'll have when you're old."

happy merdeka
cheers to everything and may our life be as good as ever
=)

when you putting more effort to help a person that is not taking the matter seriously himself what is the use of helping him?
it's the same as if you don't save yourself no one will.

i am up so early on a sunday morning because i am afraid to go back to bed

a great deal of laughter with huge amount of fun
going hyper and calm and hyper again many times
and fell in love with "KABOOM" sound guns

learnt that i expressed myself best in writings
and about being small in a BIG BIG world
plus how bad PMS can affect me in my mood

my dear bought me flowers today
sunflowers that are the prettiest things ever
he made me smiled from deep down
and realize how important he is to me

a hole in my heart
a hole in my stomach
and a bump on my head
but at least i had a good laugh in college

miss the times we get all excited and LOL over a simple thing
i am fun to be with when i'm with people who are fun

am looking forward to tomorrow's outing with my college mates =)

the more i read the more it hurts

do they help?

which is scarier?
me crying and saying my heart out
or me in total silence mode

You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself-Marilyn Monroe

the funny part is i like the song "love the way you lie" a lot. weird isn't it?

i walked out of the bakery and stood outside for very long today
it felt so calm and relaxing that i wished it could last forever that way
i love that weather the most, not sunny not cloudy not rainy
but the calmness before the big thunderstorm approaches

the sky turning grey and dark being swallowed by the heavy rain clouds
across the horizon lightning strike occasionally that could blind my eyes
followed by the big bangs of thunder that when it reach my ears scared me a little
and then there's the air.ahhh..the air...i can smell the rain in the air
the smell before the rain pours down and wet everything in it's way.no mercy
it's so damp so sweet so evil so cold. everything that i love to feel.

my heart is in a mess lately
i do not know what i want.i feel so lost.
i'm struggling to get out
it's like i'm trap under tons of clutter which is building up each day
and no matter how much i try i just couldn't free myself
today it's the only time in a very long time that i managed to breath
but then i've fallen back into the darkness again

i've been staring at my dinner for more than half an hour
i just don't have the appetite although my hands are getting weak
how i wish i could just stare into that sky again and feel what i felt once more
and wish that it would last forever

i am a person who is not grateful for what i have.might be.
but don't blame me for asking why i have to live like this
i have the right to question.i have the right to want a better life

you are the one who was suppose to settle me
it was an agreement which you broke half way
daddy went through hard time supporting you
it's suppose to be your turn to support me
but now i'm on my own so don't give me that look
if you can't help me at least don't add to my burden

i want to move away
i want to go far away
i want to escape from these

as for you.
no heart means no heart
i hate you from the bottom of my heart

my sister has a fantastic talent in making my life more miserable
i really don't need this right now...

my days are back to the normal routine
stressful, frustrating and in a mess the whole time

starting college means there's less time for everything else
working makes it even more harder to manage my time
having a boyfriend also takes up a lot of my time
then there's time for family and for friends
which i've been missing out a lot
not forgetting house chores
most importantly less personal time to blog about my life

i try to cover every aspect of my life
trying very hard to strike a balance
i wish i can adapt better to this life
but deep down i really wish for something better

i am thinking.maybe i'm not suitable for city life after all huh?

i've decided that it's too much of a hassle to revamp my blog
so it can be concluded that i'm not a person with patients or in other words lazy

life lately has been exciting but that doesn't means good
"if you feel that your life is boring,be grateful because it means that your life is peaceful"-Lilian Too

there are many questions unanswered
and many things on the to-do-list not done
but i have learnt to accept that life is that way
i can't have everything the way i wanted it to be
although it may frustrating at times and it made me feel like pulling off my hair

in the journey of discovering one's true self, it is unavoidable to have a tired heart and soul at times.