Ai's Diary

2011-12-03T01:21:00.000+08:00

又来了
迷失在那空间
漂浮在那时空

回来了
发现时间越过了
我又再次错过了

就这样
让我回去好吗
让我待在那儿

那世界
我一手创造的
美丽新生活呐

心不在
留着我在这儿
也一样是白费

放走我
让我解脱好吗
让我开心地笑

2011-09-26T16:06:00.001+08:00

昨晚我梦到他回来了,向我伸出手.
穿着件属于他的褐色皮革外套, 拒绝了.

今早另一个他回来了,出现在我面前.
拥抱了, 讯息了. 就这样罢了,没什么了.

梦与现实生活也会有相似的地方吧?
今天心情很纳闷.很寂寞.
朋友.又开始不信任了.
逃跑的欲望又来了.

=)

2011-06-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

2011-05-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

i miss my old blog...

2011-04-30T22:06:00.001+08:00

I've been struggling over one decision for a very long long long time.

It's hard to leave everything I wrote behind, with all those pictures and memories. Which I do read back at times.

I tried opening new ones but kept feeling that it's not right. The font is not right. The theme is not right. The blog name is not right. Bla bla bla...and it goes on.

But I do start to like one that I started using a while ago though I didn't update much there.

I like the title. I like the simple layout. I like the easy posting through mobile. I like many of it's feature.

Maybe it is time to change.

Yes! It is time to change!

Do e-mail me at moonlove_koh@yahoo.com if you want to know. ;)
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

strangers, again

2011-04-30T18:56:00.001+08:00

just got back from the art market

who would imagine that just sitting there could be so tiring

i just want my bed

Bye April

2011-04-30T10:25:00.000+08:00

Last day of the month already. That's fast. Felt like the world just walk pass me.

Sister lock kiki out her bedroom last night. I decided to let mine open. That lonely phobia cat came to my room and choose the worse possible place to be in-my laundry basket. And actually enjoyed sitting in there!

Will be helping sister out at an art market in the morning. Baked some muffins cause according to her the table is TOO BIG and she has TOO LESS products to sell. Oh well...since I did not bake for a long time, might as well just try to enjoy it.

Coursework marks are out. I am pretty satisfied with my marks. Hooray! I did okay. End of April means May is coming. That means finals are really close. I am making really slow progress on the studying part. Just hope I will be able to male it.

Watched a video today. A video that most couples or people who had been in relationships could relate to. It is true in a way the things they show in the video. Shall post it up on the next post. =)

12.45am
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Turtles

2011-04-29T13:22:00.000+08:00

Turtles can live for hundreds of years and swim for thousands of miles.

Mr. and Mrs Turtle in my house just sits there in one corner quietly with each other.

I wonder if turtles get tired of life.

Love that lasts a long time? Turtle love!

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

At ease

2011-04-28T16:40:00.000+08:00

The only sound I could hear were the birds chipping outside my window, my old stand fan and occasionally an airplane that flew across the sky.

I am at peace. Just lying on my bed, with the sunlight bursting in through my window.

My head is empty. Did not think of studies, did not think of problems. I could only just feel and enjoy this moment.

It felt good. To just rest. At ease.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

because many ppl want me to be happy and smile

2011-04-27T20:11:00.001+08:00

it was there...stalking me quietly...

ahhhhhh!!!!you scare me!!!!

ohhh...it's just my little friend mr bb devil

he came to say hi and see how i'm doing

awhhh...thank you mr bb devil.

i'm fine now with you

let's take a picture together

friends don't want me to be sad

cousin wants me to smile

thus

on a boring wednesday afternoon

i did one of the things i love most

taking pictures

i am okay today

2011-04-27T11:25:00.001+08:00

The plan was simple. To fall in love, be in a relationship, graduate from college, get a job, settle down in a small house, get a pet dog and cat, maybe open a cafe later on and just spend the rest of my life on the slow path. But it seems so impossible now. To fall in love is easy, to be in a relationship is hard. What more if the relationship would have to last a life time. The problem of 7 years itch, that bugs me. Time for a backup plan or do the whole thing again?

What’s life about? To live and die and share everything in between with family, friends and loved ones. I have great friends and awesome families that stood by me all the time, who knows what I'm worth. The only part missing is that one guy that will have that determination and spirit to fight for special something. Or maybe I’m just not worth that special something yet.

Guys will be guys. Every relationship will stumble upon the same problem at one point. To solve it or to just walk away are the only 2 available options. Some will walk away and find out what’s it really worth later on, some will just move on and never look back. Life is pathetic at times. It create a illusion that everything will be wonderful then it will torn it down one by one to the core, and there you are standing in the middle feeling naked as the whole world stares at you.

Love grows is true and false at the same time. For some it does grows, for others it’s like a natural resource that if used over time will be depleted one day. In a relationship, both people may grow together, or one of them may be stagnant or may be dying. When they don’t grow together, and even worse when one grows and the other just fade away, the relationship will just go down the drain.

When you say you love someone, do you really mean it? When you love someone, how far would you go? When you love someone, how much pain are you willing to endure? A friend to me, know what you WANT, then you’ll know what to do. If only it is that simple.

To mend a broken heart is a pain in the ass. I wanted a remote like the one in the movie “CLICK” where i can just fast forward my part of my life that i just don’t want to suffer through. But then again, if it goes into auto pilot each time i have the same problem, i would miss out on the wonderful things such as friends and family that will be there for me. Then think again, what matters most to you like what matters to the guy in the movie? I know it. For the second time i know it. But then again, it’s not that simple.

To let go is the best choice cause if it comes back to me one day, then it is a true come back. I’ve said ‘lets try again’ for so many times. Maybe i should just stop and see will it be the other way round this time. But not to put my hopes up a friend said to me.

It’s not easy to see something you’ve spend so much time and effort to just slip away. to slip away just like that.

toilets are also good for...

2011-04-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

Toilets are the best place to hide in, especially public ones.
You'll have a place to sit with privacy.
There's tissue right beside when u need it.
And in any case u cried till feel like vomiting, u can just sit up, turn around, life the cover up and throw up.
Choose a clean, quality toilet though. I highly recommend the ones in subang parade.
XD

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

So it ended

2011-04-26T20:18:00.000+08:00

I skip work today. I can't do it. Don't want to give them more trouble.
Just sat there on the bench looking at the people pass by. Not really paying any attention though.
Manager passed by and sat beside me. Asked me why I didn't go home. Asked me to go out with friends. But never asked me what happen. Eyes were swollen and at the verge of crying. He said I no face can cry in public one. Haha. Since when I care?
A worker came too. Told me not to worry about work. Thank you guys.

And so it is the end. It is really the end? Yeah I think so. His one last request was for us to stick to this final decision and move on with life. It's so easy to just say it. It's so easy for others to just move on. To forget him asap he says, to hold on will just make it worse. Will I be forgotten asap as well? That's so sad.

Trying to kill my 4 hours in subang parade. Sitting at different places including hiding in the toilet when I can't take it. Head hurts vision blurry from crying too much. But if it eases the heart a little then so be it.

Can't believe that I have to mend yet another broken heart. After all this while of thinking that things really could be different.
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Clarity

2011-04-26T12:32:00.001+08:00

It struck me hard
It wake me up from my dreams
It made me realize my foolish hopes

One moment of clarity
To see and realize what that can never happen

12.30pm

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

change

2011-04-25T21:39:00.001+08:00

people change
some brought better life, some brought worst and some brought disappointment
life goes on, learn to be strong and stand on our own feet
we are independent individual, we don't need anyone to survive
for those who hurted you, all you have to do just turn around and walk away with your biggest smile and never look back

-Lim Stephanie

爱情常常从希望开始，但也由绝望结束.

不管你的条件有多差总会有个人在爱你。不管你的条件有多好也总有个人不爱你——张爱玲

Love is like a temperature.to have a comfortable temperature,it must not be too hot or cold.if its too hot,you will die.if its too cold,you'll die.so,love your lover at an acceptable level

i am wondering, if it was all worth it, all the things that i did and let go to prove something.

i am wondering, if it was all worth it, all those times of crying in the shower alone.

i am wondering, if it was all worth it, all those those of crying off to sleep.

i am wondering, if it was all worth it, to swallow the pain and continue.

the only thing that is not changing is change itself.

change is inevitable

the question is we change for the better or for worse?

the question is we change for someone else or ourselves?

the question is we change for the good of something or just to protect our own interest?

i tried so hard to accept so many things.

i tried so hard to change for things to work.

now i feel it’s not worth it.

the more i try to be better

the more i try to accept things

the more i get hurt

i feel so wounded i can’t talk anymore

but i am not strong enough.

not strong enough and cold enough to just turn around and walk away with a big smile

i wish i can do that. i wish i can. i wish i can.

but that’s not me.

though i can change.

change is up to me. i can change.

why should i care when other just hurt me

cause that’s not me.

i am struggling.

to be who i am

or to change to be more selfish, ignorant, and cold

i am struggling.

who i want to be?

9.40pm

Cold cold

2011-04-25T17:18:00.000+08:00

The last two days were working days in Jusco IOI Puchong. It was a tough crowd to persuade. People were not very friendly and polite. I still prefer working in Subang Carrefour. Sales tend to be better there and people are more sociable. On a bright side, I did made some new friends. Though it will still be like a two days friends type of thing. Still, better than nothing right?

I love the sun. I love going out for evening walks. Working indoors with artificial light and air-conditioning makes me miss the warmth of sun very much. I would go out during my break time and walk under sun sometimes. Unfortunately it rained!!! It was so cold and gloomy. =(

Now it's raining as well. Internet connection is very shitty. I haven started studying for finals. I haven type out history tips for angie. Maybe I nap first la. At least I did all the house chores.

5.15pm
I need jobs, jobs that pay well. Please tell me if you know any ya.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

College Ended

2011-04-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the last day of classes for this semester. But, I don't really feel the relieve or excitement. It's like any other normal day to me. It's so weird. Why am I not feeling happy?

Sister brought me to USJ19 Mall for lunch today. We had steamboat at 100 celcius. We were the only customer, so we were like the VIPs? LOL. It was nice. Food was okay, environment was okay, price was okay as well. It was worth it la I might say. Shall drag the boyfriend there when he comes back. Oh and we went to this boutique that sells korean clothes. It was soooooo nice! I wish I have money to buy those pretty clothes.

The rest of the day was spent trying to build a webstore for my sister. Tried to put my skills learned in E-commerce class to use. But gosh it is hard. I manage to complete say 40% of it today. But the most important parts which is the store is running perfectly. I just need to add more products, improve on the homepage, add in contacts, terms and conditions etc. OMG that's so many!!! Shall take my time to do it la. In the mean time, please support us!!! www.welovearts.weebly.com

11.50pm
Am dead tired
Shall sleep early today cause tomorrow got work. Good night!

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

My feet hurts

2011-04-21T01:39:00.000+08:00

Stupid and clumsy me hit my tiny toe at the edge of the door twice on monday. One a very big, the other was not that hard but hurts. It got swollen a bit and turned a little blue the next day. Then the blue area spread. Now, not only the toe is blue. The area around the feet is also blue. And yes it hurts. Oil and massage don't really seem to work. I need to stand long hours this weekend. Please heal fast.

1.40am
Watched harry potter and half blood prince. Such a boring movie.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Thank You =)

2011-04-20T17:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday in History class, my group was announced as the best group for the magazine assignment. Miss Rozita gave us a box of chocolate. I shared it with groupmates and some of the classmates that haven left the class.

I am not a very vocal person. Don't really know how to react in situation like this, don't really know how to express my gratitude either. But I want to say thank you to my group members and classmates that gave us good marks in the peer evaluation. It is their evaluation that made it all possible. Once again I am very thank you to all of you guys AND girls.

The magazine project was very interesting and fun though a little bit stressful. But I have learn many things along the way. After having a chance to look at the works of other group, I feel that actually my magazine was just normal. Their's was filled with creative cartoon strips, pictures, backgrounds, and boxes that review stuff type of thing. I feel that the only thing that sets us apart is that I manage to do borderless printing. My point is, if everyone is able to do the borderless printing, I think my group would not have won. So really, thank you so much. And honestly, everyone did a great job. I had fun and learned new skills. I hope others did as well.

5.15pm
It is raining cats and dogs in subang!

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

=)

2011-04-18T20:48:00.002+08:00

Persuasive Speech. It is finally over! I won't say that I did good, but I did get compliments from miss lim, which is very rare because I normally get negative comments from her. Kinda not used to it when she says something nice. LOL. All and all, I am satisfied that my work paid off. All those practicing till my mouth and jaws felt cramp was worth it. I even practice while taking my evening walk k. I am just thankful now.= )

Thus, I rewarded by myself by opening that packet of chips I bought 2 weeks ago. It taste like heaven! I can't even remember that last time I had potato chips. Enjoyed it with a cup of cold soya bean milk while watching an episode of The Good Wife. Only ONE episode! My reward for hard work is chips. Lol wth right? I bet so many people out there eat chips almost everyday. But I am satisfied. I don't need chips often. I AM A HEALTHY PERSON, besides the fact that I don't really eat much.lol.

Then had an evening walk again. Its the last week of the semester. Things are slowing down. I have time now to take a stroll on evenings enjoying the hot sun and played with water while watering the plants later on. Ahhhh...this is the kind of life I want. If only I can have more of this.

Tomorrow is e-commerce group assignment due and presentation as well. One last one then it is finals. Gotta start studying if I want to get good grades for some subjects and pass for others such as IM. Semester finally coming to an end. I can proudly shout "I SURVIVE ANOTHER SEMESTER!!!".

8.45pm
Today I am happy.
I made myself happy.
=)
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

给自己的提醒

2011-04-17T22:55:00.001+08:00

因为今晚我不想跟他们睡。因为我不想一睁开看到的就是他们。

我：甘愿痛甘愿哭的也不想放的感觉。就好象希望奇迹会出现.
她：那就继续痛到你觉得受不了再离开.这是我会做的事.可是我告诉你,在你离开的时候,你已经遍体鳞伤了.
我：嗯。所有事情都有代价的。那就是我必须付出的代价。
她：恩.

我要记着这段对话。给自己的提醒。

11pm
还没温习。没心。晚安。

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

心里现在想着的random事情

2011-04-17T22:03:00.000+08:00

我很不开心！
带我远走高飞吧...
我想回家。
我想喝醉。
我想麻木。
我想痛哭。
我想开心。
我想快乐。
我想幸福。
我想消失。
我想要钱。
我想飞翔。
我想吹海风。
我想笑这哭。
我想哭着笑。
我想向大海呐喊。
我想不说话。
我想看不见。
我想听不见。
我想感受不到。
我想没有自觉。
我想想什么就做什么。
我想要什么就买什么。
我想要车子。
我想世界末日快点来。
我想可以不用顾虑那么多。
我想不介意那么多。
我想不爱那么多。
我想要快乐。
我想别人弄我伤心。
我想我快乐是因为别人让我笑。
我不想我笑着时别人弄我哭。
我想流浪。
我想一个人旅行。
我想去巴黎谈个短暂却一生难忘的爱情。
I want to be treated right and be happy.
我想静静不说话。
我想静静看着所有事情。
我想还完我的债，照顾好父母，然后离去。
好累。好累。
没希望没奢望没梦想的人最恐怖。
我对人没有了同情感。
我只关心值得我关心的人。
其余的就算在我面前死着我都不会帮，因为不值得。
我想什么都不理了。
我不理了。我什么都不理了。
我想没了心。我想没有感觉。我不想哭不想笑。只想要没有感情没有情绪。那样多好。
够了吧。累了。把自己关起来吧。别再出来了。自己知道出来会有什么后果。乖乖呆在里面别出来了。心，听话哦。都是为了你好的。
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

TGIF, oh no it's Sunday!

2011-04-17T20:15:00.001+08:00

Friday was dramatic. The day filled with events. Good ones and bad ones. I am just glad everyone and everything turned out fine.

Saturday was a blurry day. Can't remember what happened. It's like I'm there but I'm not there. If you know what I mean.

Sunday is filled with to-do-list. Got rid a few items and felt better. Went for an extra long sunday evening walk with the doggie. The walk to you drop type. I still have IM to study and speech that need to be perfected.

If I want to be happy, I have to make myself happy. If people make me sad, just shake it away and ignore them. I feel happy because I made myself happy, I feel sad cause other make me sad.

If only things could be better.

8.15pm

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

当你孤单你会想起谁？

2011-04-16T21:03:00.001+08:00

When I feel tired and has fallen sick, trying to find a shoulder to lean on, I find that the most reliable and most comfortable shoulder is my pillow. Sometimes I want to laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh at my foolishness, cry at my pain.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

catch a falling star~~

2011-04-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day~

60% done for persuasive speech but I am too tired too continue. Rest first. Sleep first. Dream first.

We are talking again. Though we are still sorting some things out and ironing out others. We should really go through this to make a break through. I hope we can settle things out. I am waiting for the answer.

10.34pm
Good night
I hope I won't have bad dreams tonight

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Ironically

2011-04-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

I finally can trust someone, with no worries, even when that person would go far far away for some time. I didn't cry because I wasn't afraid, because I know it would be alright.
When manager asked me today am I sure my boyfriend overseas won't cheat on me and lie to me, I gave him a very certain answer that I believed it won't happen. Maybe that manager has bad experience as well.

I overcome my problem of trust. But ironically there's another problem and things came crumbling down.

Such an irony. Truly. Really.

I think when people stop trying, all the good things will cease to happen.

Watched Megamind again with sister yesterday. Moral of the story? Never stop trying. Can I do it? What if I am tired?

Song of the day
杨丞琳－带我走

11.30pm

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

对自己好一点

2011-04-11T22:12:00.001+08:00

在facebook看了一篇文章, 觉得蛮有意思的, 就借了在此分享。

没有人会把你当全世界

by 愛、文章 on Friday, April 8, 2011 at 8:20pm

你肯定有过这样的时候

满满的眼泪苦苦的鼻子酸酸的像喝了一大口的雪碧一样刺的眼睛和鼻子泛红发酸

你肯定有过这样的时候

别人指着你的痛处哈哈大笑你却只能傻傻地笑着不然别人会说你开不起玩笑的所以你笑弯了腰连眼泪都笑了出来

你肯定有过这样的时候

心情不好的时候不想说话别人却不屑地说你装什么大牌然后拂袖而走但是别人心情不好的时候却容不下你安慰的只言片语

你肯定有过这样的时候

被人狼狈地指责一通后有人相信你却是陌生人而你最亲近的人却在这一刻皱着眉头问你有没有这回事

你肯定有过这样的时候

浑身发抖的想冲上去和他们撕打想辩解想大声的哭出来说不是这样不是这样

你肯定有过这样的时候

铺天盖地而来的委屈冲垮了你所有的理智你多想什么都不管什么都不用顾忌

却在心里疯狂而表面冷静的想着所有的情节之后

却还是整理了一下自己仪容仪表再潇洒的重复昨天过的生活

你肯定有过这样的时候

想洒脱的离开洒脱的笑洒脱放手说不爱结果走人之后抱头痛哭抽抽搭搭的哭的混身止不住的颤抖

愤愤的想诅咒所有的人所有让你难过痛苦受伤的人

你肯定有过这样的时候

你想痛恨他们一辈子可是最后还是妥协了用最累最虚伪却也最和平的微笑去迎接所有打击你的人和事

你肯定有过这样的时候

你做了很多迎战准备却最后还是逃跑了

因为你怕失去所有的一切

哪怕这一切都是令你心碎的东西可你还是不想失去

你固执并且懦弱的用微笑去诠释所有的困难不过笑笑而置之

直到你倒下你都没能将你的小宇宙爆发

我想说的是 对自己好一点因为没人会把你当全世界。

我想我应该多疼下自己了。去买想买的，吃想吃的。最近为了那个无畏的旅程而约束自己，为的是要存多些资金。可是对方又怎样呢？我应该对自己好一点，因为他不会把我当是全世界，也许曾经是，可是现在不是了。我不该再为别人想了，对自己没好处，只让自己更难过，让自己受苦。不值得的。别人不会珍惜。要对自己好一点。明天买双鞋吧。美美的鞋。

10.10pm

i am weak....

2011-04-11T01:42:00.002+08:00

It's easy to fall back into bad habits when I am week.
The temptation is there. I am sorry cousin.
让我放纵一次吧。honey say I control myself too much.

I hold on strongly to the quote I created.
the more I walk through life
the more I know and see love
the more I am in a relationship
the more I believe in it.

爱情从缘分开始，却靠努力和坚持来维持。

可是只有一个人在努力的话，在怎么努力也没用。
Tangan bertepuk sebelah sahaja tidak akan berbunyi.

1.41am
Thank you to friends that kept me company tonight. Appreciate it very much.

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Happy and Safe at Home =)

2011-04-08T22:15:00.000+08:00

I am in Tampin!!! Yay!!! It feels really good to be back home. To be at a place where life is so much simpler and happier. There's no internet connection here, the only thing that connects me to the www is my bb. Thus, laptop was never turned on. XD

The moment I reach home I head straight for my bed, skipping lunch. I had the best sleep ever since...since...since...I can't even remember lol. Parents didn't even wake me up. Hehehe... When I finally woke up 5.5 hours later, the best meal ever awaits me. Mom cooked sambal ikan tumis. Although I don't consume spicy food often, I can't resists my mom's sambal ikan tumis. It is the best ever! For a person that dislike fish like me, yet I still enjoy a fish with that much bone, it is really that awesome!

In the evening, I enjoyed a nice short evening walk with mommy to the indian shop. It is just simple and warm. <3 After second round of sambal ikan tumis for dinner. I am going to bed early. Hehehe.

10.15pm
Good night

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Because I can

2011-04-07T16:52:00.000+08:00

I can't have it all. When I want something I need to sacrifice something.

I spent so much time on the history magazine these few days. Figuring out how to print without border, how to print on A3 paper, and which orientation to use and the sequence. Everything is so important to me. I wanted it to turn out great. It did, and I am proud of myself. Proud that I put in the effort, proud that I didn't gave up, proud that I use my creativity to solve the problems I faced. I did all these because I know I can do it. I have the skills and patient and most importantly the heart. =) What people see is just a magazine, but really, it is not easy. For me it is something that I accomplished, new things that I learned along the way. It was pure hard work. And I believe hard work do pay off, one way or another.

Thus to reward myself, here I am in Subang Parade Manhattan fish market enjoying a hot cup of earl grey tea and the rm6.99 fish and chips. I am working later so shall take this as my tea break.

Although I feel like my body is going to break down from the lack of sleep and proper meals, I am happy today. Feeling very accomplished. Tomorrow I will head back to hometown. I have not been back for so long. Shall work on my persuasive speech and history presentation when I am there.

Till then.ttly. =)

4.50pm
With love from ai

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i am fat

2011-04-05T16:43:00.002+08:00

Just another picture.

Sakae Sushi second most powerful person is in store today. I can feel the pressure already. Hope I don't do anything wrong. Hahaha...

Studying/trying to study e-commerce. Not muct time left. Need to add more oil.

4.40pm

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A-okay =)

2011-04-05T10:44:00.000+08:00

My result for history midterm with a heavy weight of 25% turned out to be A-okay. 89/100 or 22.25% out of 25%. It is good enough. =)

I scared myself the past few days for nothing. hahaha...

Next up is E-coomerce quiz. Not to forget history magazine assignment. Back to work now.

10.43am
it's so hot today.

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Bieber?

2011-04-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

Yup. It is Justin Bieber hair. Found out that nuffnang is putting bieber ads on my blog so I play along lah. I am not a fan of this person nor I have anything against him. Neutral standing here.xD

Been busy, VERY busy with work, homework and assignments. Just did my impormto speech today, good/bad? I not sure. Personally I feel I did badly, but people say I did okay. One thing about this class, the people are very supportive, they will say "you did great"/"good job" to each other. In a way it is moral support I guess? Miss Lim said I have good tone though, the best for the day. It was after everyone left, at least she told me which made me happy a little but it wasn't enough to compensate the sadness of doing badly.

History editing is still on the way. I am not that creative but I am trying my best. Tomorrow will be working so there goes my time again. Thursday is e-commerce test and history due. I just hope I will be able to make it. Talking about group assignment, I find it very tiring especially when I am the one compiling and editing, but then I don't trust it to be in the hand of others. I worry it won't turn out good enough. I have trust issue.hahaha...

Haiz...my neck hurts like shit from hours in front the laptop today. Thus the early sleep tonight. Good night.

11.35pm

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hugs

2011-03-31T16:50:00.001+08:00

The boyfriend had a rough day yesterday. He woke up late for college. So did I, I overslept and although finished reading the history book, I had no time to memorize the important points.

I miss hugs and teddy that are cuddly like the one hsiang got for me. But it's in aussie. When days get tough, hugs really do help a lot and not to mentioned support from loved ones. Too bad now we can only depend on digital hugs.LOL.

Working today. Till 10.30pm. NOOOO!!! Shall wait for manager to come back then ask if I could go back early. I need to do so much more homework. Plus can anyone teach me how to use photoshop to combine two image?

4.47pm
Resting at the VIP table in Sakae, cause we the workers are VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE. XD

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It's end of march

2011-03-31T07:41:00.001+08:00

Last day of the month and I look like this.
I want to stay in bed!!!
Wuwuwuwu....

7.40am
Stuck in jam thus a quick nap

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2011-03-31T01:31:00.001+08:00

It used to be me sitting at a corner watching time goes by.

Then as I grew, I was walking hand in hand with time.

Now I am chasing after time, and yet it seems farther away.

Time cannot be stop. There is no pause button. Time cannot be rewind. There is no playback button.

One thing for sure. Once I end college, I will live a more meaningful life than does not include only business and making a fortune.

1.30am
Good night

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'Simple' is in my head

2011-03-30T23:04:00.001+08:00

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Simplify

2011-03-30T22:31:00.001+08:00

I screwed up my history paper today. Just hope that I didn't screw it up too badly. History is my favorite subject this semester, I really wanted to get an A+ for it. Haiz...I am feeling so useless again.

Went for movie with sister at pyramid afterwards. We were like two noobs choosing what movie to watch. Oh forgot to mention that the tickets were free from nuffnang. So we decided on The Eagle. No idea what the movie was about. But it turned out okay. We gave it an A. haha... Basically is a roman and a britain that were enemies that became friends and were on a quest to retrieve the lost eagle which is just a piece of metal that the roman empire lost long time ago. So simple. Lol.

Hang out at the pet shop for awhile. I am always happy when I am in a pet shop. *big smiles* Lots of toys and food that I want to buy for my pets. Oh and I bought an ornament for Sunny. Like a fake rock with plastic plants on it.

I like going out like that. So happy. Wish life could be more simple.

9.30pm
time to do speech outline. the improved version.

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something that make me smile

2011-03-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

I love clouds.
I want to watch the clouds go by on a meadow with you.

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good grades =)

2011-03-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

Something good happened that gave me that little push for college life today.

Yup! Good marks for my e-commerce individual assignment. I am so glad that the hard work paid off.

Tomorrow is history mid-term. I have one more chapter to read plus memorization of important points. Hope I can score for the paper. Really need to pull my grades up this semester.

Okay. Back to reading. Gambateh!=)

9.50pm

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Color Burst

2011-03-28T22:27:00.000+08:00

It's monday. It's funny how happy I was yesterday and how not motivated I am today. I am worse than a zombie. At least zombie still motivated to eat other people's brain.

College today added another few items on the to-do-list. It's NEVER ENDING!!! At least one down today, although speech analysis was a walk through hell. Next up is History on wednesday. I am making progress. Hearing others finished reading the chapters over the weekend made me envy them so much. Sigh...got to study still no matter what right?

Wore new pair of shoes today. Not exactly new, bought it last year when I visited singapore alone. But cousin took GOOD care of me. Just change the shoelaces and they look stunning. So COLORFUL. Not like my brain, where creativity died. Haiz...

Been sighing so much today. Maybe it's just today. Gambateh studying history. Good luck to me.
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It's a big relief!

2011-03-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

I don't know which is better?
Weekdays with college and work
Or
Weekends 10am to 10pm work

On the list for next week are speech analysis, history group assignment, history mid term and persuasive speech. Hell lot of things to do. I can see myself half dead next week.xD

But there's good news! Miss extended the date for history assignment. That is one very big burden off my shoulder. Means tonight I don't need to stay up to do my part. I can go to bed early and be energetic for work tomorrow. Yay! It's such a big relieve for me.
Sister bought a handmade necklace for me from new zealand. It's a big red heart with patterns on it. I love it. One day I shall wear it.=)

Good night
11.55pm

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in a nutshell

2011-03-24T00:02:00.001+08:00

Hong Kong Dim Sum for bruch with parents and Chieh Hoon in Puchong two saturdays ago.

sister was away for 2 weeks enjoying time in NZ.i had to babysit the cat and dog.parent babysited me.xD

spent some late night doing assignments.honey starts kept me company the whole night.

made macarons for the first time in my life.they turned out to be tiny bite size biscuits.

but i got them in the right size in the third try =)

enjoyed the flea market on the weekend with parents

i love old stuff

i want a old phone and a record player for my future home

had dinner at ikea and an heart pumping ride home

then it’s college again

where public speaking is a tough as usual.topic got rejected.persuasive speech is a lot of work

i wish i could write grandfather story but i have no time

life is too busy lately

it will get busier the coming weeks

gambateh

2011-03-23T10:12:00.001+08:00

sangat penat.
badan sakit .
banyak kerja.
tak ada masa.
saya mahu pengsan.
wuwuwu~~~

today, i am okay

2011-03-18T00:17:00.001+08:00

i am dead tired but i still wanna write. crazy me.

i screwed up speech midterm badly. at least that is how i see it. i read it, i just don’t understand why i can’t recall it during the stress. the whole day i was having this strain on my left leg, even when sitting down reading text book and notes. stress perhaps? nothing else i can do though, shall wait for the verdict on monday.

found out that i have to work till closing time today, which is 10.30pm. i am fine with it. working there is happy. after all the cleaning and closing the door, i enjoyed cawanmushi, lots of sushi and green tea that i have no place left for the dinner at home. yummy.hehehe…people in the kitchen still like to call me for nothing as usual, kacau me tease me, but still help me a lot, always. they are friendly people that like to joke. talked to supervisor lionel while waiting for parents come fetch me. talked the assistant manager jezz too. learn a lot from them.

monday speech persuasive outline due and also international marketing group project. let’s make the impossible possible. i am not really down today, not really happy either. speech mid term pulled me down a lot, work at sakae sushi pulled me up a lot. cancel out each other and here i am. i am feeling okay today.

oh and i received a parcel from my dear. it’s a present all the way from australia for our 1 year 1 month anniversary. should take picture of it and upload soon. thank you dear. i love it and of course i love you too. =) *hugs and kisses all the way from malaysia* shall wait patiently for july. muacks.hehe.

Walky Doggy

2011-03-16T21:01:00.001+08:00

i hugged the dog today. like big long hug type of hug. i really need a hug. chewy just sat there and let me hug her. it felt therapeutical. in other words, it felt good. maybe she understands? took her for a walk after that. just need some time alone. peace of mind for awhile. it struck my mind suddenly, i want to do a project, called the “Walky Doggy” project. The plan was to print small notes with my contact number on it and state that i am giving free dog walking services. Then shall walk with chewy one evening and distribute those paper around the neighborhood that have dogs. Not sure if i have the time to do it though. I come up with these little ideas sometimes, but somehow i don’t execute them. If i do have the determination and time, i think it would be great. I need encouragement perhaps? Some support some words of motivation.

An old friend talked to me today. He gave up his engineering course in college and is now working in JB. A bad year for many people perhaps? Consider it as taking a break maybe, you can continue when you are ready. Gambateh k? Sorry I keep disappearing while chatting. Shall e-mail you. Check your mail. ;-)

Da ge msn me too. Just to say hi and tell me his old mobile phone number is reactivated. It’s good to hear from him. But i feel that we have grown apart. I don’t know what to talk about with this old friend. Plus i am a little down and lost. But still, it is good to know that i still exist in some people life, although it is just a small part, or maybe just in their memory.

I feel that i am having a bad year. or that my perception to life is so negative. It might be both. I can’t seem to keep my spirits up. I remember being all boost up at the beginning of the semester. But look at me now. Lifeless. I keep thinking of the “Walky Doggy” project. It’s meaningful to me. Something that i want to do from the bottom of my heart. Not something that i feel is responsibility. I need a KITA.

Haven study a single thing for tomorrow’s speech communication mid-term exam. Just feel so……empty. Haiz…

9pm

The only person that could understand

2011-03-15T15:49:00.000+08:00

We are not childhood friends that grew up together.
We are not in the same primary school.
We are not in the same class the whole time in secondary school.
What is the reason that our friendship last this long?

We met in Form 1 but after that we were in different classes then the same class then different class again. Honestly I forgot when we were in the same class or different class. But it don't matter that much cause she is always there.

I think the reason that we are still in contact , close contact, compared to my other friends is because we can relate to each other. I feel that she is the only one that could understand how it all felt. The chaos, the family, relationship, world, people, money, life etc.

Maybe? Maybe not?

Sometimes I miss her. Like today. So random. Haha.
I'm the wife she is the husband. Plus surprisingly she has really comfy shoulder to lean on. Just the nice height for me. Damn I sound les. Lol.

Blogging from phone is not good. Tend to not pay attention in class.

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Anger is the root

2011-03-15T00:42:00.001+08:00

I think I am angry. There's so much anger in me but no way for me to release it. I just keeping it in, until I burst. Maybe that's why I feel so miserable these days.

I am angry at things and people and life and myself. I am angry the way this family turned out. I am angry at god for causing this fate. I am angry at that fucking cheater that changed everything. I am angry I can't take a gun and just shot him in between the eyes. I am angry that the authorities is useless. I angry that my boyfriend has to be so far away. I am angry at college life. I am angry for working. I am angry life couldn't be better. I am angry at time for passing by so fast. I am angry at myself for being useless. I am angry at myself for being angry. I am angry at myself for so many things. I am angry that I can't be me. I am angry I have to watched out every thing I say and do. I am angry at everything.

I see people being so positive. I see people smile. I see how good people's life are. I see myself, I see how much I have to consider in the simplest decision in life. I see around me, I see things that could have happen, things that should have been, I see my parents having better life than this. It breaks me.

What can I do to make things better? Everyday I ask myself the same question. Not much, at this stage, not much.

12.42am

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No Title

2011-03-14T00:24:00.001+08:00

Made it a point to sleep around 12am these days. But it doesn't seems to work. I go to bed later by the day. Not good for the brain and body I know. So today sleep early.

Opened a tumblr account. I know about tumblr recently only, after so many years. Haha I am such a noob. It's kinda fun and easy to use, might get addicted to it. XD Though I believe blogger will still be my fav cause I like write junk. Haha. Weakness again. Need to stop writing junk.

Living with parents again after so long posts some conflict in ways of life. It's a bit frustrating but we are adjusting. Maybe all the taking care of myself thing has changed me. I am more comfortable with mom not doing things for me, cause I have my own ways of dealing with stuff. Plus personal space and time, that got robbed a little. I miss the peace and quiet though I complaint about it last time. Maybe I just haven found the balance yet. Need to learn to adapt.

Not sure if voicing out is the right to do. Sometimes I feel I should shut my mouth and follow the lead, do whatever that is instructed. Easier that way kan? Cause less trouble. But me and my stupid mouth just have to go say something. Need to learn to suppress myself.

Tired. Need to sleep. Good night.
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it’s not running away, it’s called taking a break

2011-03-11T21:52:00.001+08:00

it has been an roller coaster ride the past two weeks. everything is in a mess. i am trying so hard to get things back to normal. what is normal? it’s so subjective. i am starting to feel that frequent ups and downs in my life is considered normal. hahaha that means i want to have an extraordinary life. what is extraordinary then? in my context here extraordinary here means a peaceful always things work out for me type of life. but who am i kidding? lie to myself yeah right. wake up from dream face the reality.

i skipped class on monday. the irony of it i actually manage to get myself out the house and walked all the way to the bus stop but i gave up while waiting. i ended up spending 2 hours at the park nearby my house and another 1 hour at the bakery i used to work catching up with old friends. it was delightful that day. i felt so light. i sat in the park and observe everything around me, it feels good to see and feel. i exchange glances with a young girl who i later saw holding hand in hand her little sister whom just finish her school. an uncle who was walking around the park smiled to me and i smiled back. the thing about smile, it breaks the ice and makes the world not that scary even to strangers. bought an ice cream from an indian uncle riding those motorcycle with the freezer at the side type. was caught in between the choice of ice cream cone and paddle pop, the same problem i have since i was a kid. i didn’t change a bit.lol. it feels good though to found out that there’s a part of me that remained the same. made my orange bag as a pillow and rested my neck a little under the pondok. close my eyes.hear the birds walking on top of the zinc roofs, hear the birds on the trees sending out secret messages only they could understand.hear the paddle pop song from a distance. hear the rain drops hitting the soil.

andy left the bakery already.andy was gay.but i liked him. he was…talented :) uncle teh also left. guess he finally decides to retire and spend his days with his wife in malacca. he was a joker, the person who made the bakery so lively with he stupid jokes. he used to talk about opening his own bread shop in malacca and even want me to be his business partner. when he was still there, he would always go back to see his wife, and when he does, he would buy so much food for her.he loved her much. aunty on the other bought a house in usj 4.kak yees is still the same always asking me to eat more.emily is still there too but busy cause she had to take over andy’s job. i enjoyed my time there eating Sheppard's pie. something that i always wanted to eat but never bought it even once. it was delicious. plus aunty gave me discount. it felt good to be back there again. i miss the life there somehow.

life is about pushing your limits, keep doing things that exceeds your capabilities. i am doing that, but from what i have learnt from my experience this time, we should know our limits as well. i know that if i head to class that day i would certainly snap, my emotions were unstable for so many days, i felt i was stretch so thin. i knew if i went to class, especially miss lim class, i will crack. i don’t see my act as running away, i see it as taking a break or taking a breath from everything. everyone needs a break just that the timing should be right. i feel my decision was correct as the days after, i felt better.gradually healing.

miss putri mentioned in wednesday class though that i have MIA for some time. haha. silence is golden. :) miss lim asked why i was not present for monday class on thursday. my answer? “i have no valid reason” tak kan i want to say “miss i cannot attend your class cause i know i would snap” meh. on that very class she gave me an impromptu practice speech. titled RAIN. i talked about tears cause when i cry i will always say that i’m raining. it was a metaphor according to miss lim and she said i did okay.ck bbm me told me i was great.thank you ck. well all i can say is that i just express it in my own terms.

sister birthday was on tuesday. parents came to stay with us.but we didn’t blow candle till the very next day during dinner.and that also brother in law wasn’t present. it’s hard to have everyone there. on thursday sister and brother in law flew to new zealand. so parents will be with me for the next 2 weeks.yay! i brought mom to carrefour for grocery shopping, and i pushed the cart following her around like i used to. the cart felt small now, i remember it to be above my height long long time ago.i grew.mom was excited over the choices.spoiled for choices she is and to see her greedy face that wants everything is just so cute. my mom is so cute.

had a one day in ss15 with parents today. introduced mom and dad to rm2 vegetarian shop lol.convert mom into RT lover and had tea time at hailam kopitiam because it’s from kuala pilah so dad wanted to try it out. oh and went to miif plus with mom.honestly like mother like daughter. we looked around then bought something. when we came out we told each other that we bought something cause we feel the shop so kesian no business. my mom has a very kind heart.;)

link to blogpost of art market by sister HERE

untitled

2011-03-05T23:28:00.001+08:00

i am 21 this year

but i feel like i have lived for 10,000 years

i can’t wait for it to be over

i don’t believe in reincarnation

i don’t believe in heaven and hell

because i just want to be nothing

on weekdays

i wake up in the morning

head to college then to work

reach home at 10pm

have my dinner at 10.30pm

let my body fall apart on the bed after

on weekends

i wake up in the morning

rush to complete house chores

then head to work

reach home earliest by 10pm

have my dinner at 10.30pm

pass out on the bed after

it’s so routine

it’s so tiring

i am alive

but i have no life

i don’t feel alive

today’s art market was okay

not as good as we thought it would be

tomorrow another full day at sakae sushi

just keep pushing myself to do it

heard corinne bailey rae’s put your records on on the way back

it touched my heart like it always does

heard pink’s fucking perfect

it was something

something special

i can’t think of a title

2011-03-02T22:04:00.001+08:00

two words

today sucks

went to college to find my only class for the day canceled

the green technology forum was today

they said it’s compulsory for NU students

miss lim wanted us to go

i didn’t go

it’s like when in secondary school

"diwajib" this "diwajib" that

i was never a good student

never was never will be

was an bad-ass toward a friend

apologized later in the day

she was just trying to be nice

seeing people sulking up lecturer make me wanna puke

seeing another side of lecturer make me wanna puke

when i say stay away from me

take that advice

took a bike ride after the rain

spend alone time at home

peace and quiet

music

notes

lazy chair

nasi lemak

slurrpee

favorite song of the day

color by the maine

when the sun comes out =)

2011-03-02T00:08:00.001+08:00

welcome march

do be kind to me

today i am happy

history class is interesting

though i still yawned

4 hours break was lovable

cooked lunch

had a short nap

ate together with sister

laze in the hall

drank ice milo

ate chocolate ball named java

played with my hamster

took pictures

got a little sugar rush on the way to college

must the chocolate and milo overdose

work was fun

made new friends

ate soft shell crab in the kitchen

shh…hehe…

my fish named SUNNY cause he is so GOLDEN

my hamster nicknamed NINJA JU!!!

JUJU is soooo CUTE

i love my hamster :D

meet JAVA

the chocolate ball with rum in the middle

came all the way from German

sister’s ARTISTIC shot of JAVA

my dear had a great day too

he received compliments from his boss and seniors

for the a great job today

i am proud of my dear

i am happy for my dear

it’s a good day

it’s a good start

for those who love games and freebies

do take a look at this

http://www.churpchurp.com/moonlove/share/wrigleys5gum

we all have our bad days

2011-02-28T18:36:00.001+08:00

when i am happy, i am really happy

when i am down, i am really down

the past few days have been a bit on the down side

except for Saturday because of the presents of good friends and food

get agitated easily

me no likey it

i guess that when we are down we tend to pay more attention to the negatives things in life

or maybe that theory applies not to everyone but me only

i am trying though to keep my spirits up

Happy Thing No 1

pretty flower shoes manage to be with me for a year

thank you for being with me almost everywhere

pretty flower shoes a year ago

pretty flower shoes today

dear pretty flower shoes

although i am going to send you away

please remember that i do love you a lot

♥

Happy Thing No 2

doodling in class

does it look like liya?

i simply draw only

Happy Thing No 3

feel like baking this

http://happyhomebaking.blogspot.com/2007/06/milo-double-chocolate-chip-muffins.html

it has been awhile since i last bake

busy is the excuse i always use

no more excuse.it is decided

i shall baked this Wednesday

Happy Thing No 4

ate fish shape chocolate

fishy!

from highland to beach

2011-02-28T00:06:00.001+08:00

trip to Tioman was canceled

but had 2 nice weekends instead

last week was family time to Fraser Hill

this week was friends time to Bagan Lalang beach

parents were random.friends were random

what more could i ask for

i love it

random pitt stop at selangor water dam

teaching mom to camwhore :D

cold mountain wind in face effect xD

photo session at The Gap while waiting

treat the whole family ice cream

cold cold but syiok

jeriau waterfall

thank god there’s a self timer function in camera

we look so happy here

i wish it is always like this

kesian me no ppl help me take picture

resort to camwhoring

sunset at bagan lalang

my honey =)

my twin sister from another parents :D

my sistas <3

our jumping picha

*likes*

there’s no need for a caption

just like it =)

relaxing time is over

assignments and test is attacking again

need to work again as well

i am looking forward for time like this again

want to have more of it before my besties fly off to the states

*sad*

name callings and teasing

2011-02-23T23:08:00.001+08:00

Name callings and teasing is something that has been part of my life for a very long time. All my life I have been called for so many types of name. “the kampung girl” cause I came from a rubber estate, “kuat harimao” cause my name has a “guat” and it somehow ended up that way, “laohuma” means means tiger cause I was very fierce in primary school, “roti kok” cause my sir name is “koh” which sounded alike, “pokok” which was given by my college friends cause i was blur, “alarm clock” cause i am always noisy in the car when thian hoe is driving etc. But somehow i got used to all of these. Because it is the way of life here in Malaysia.

It’s a cultural, if i may put it that way though there is no evidence from journals or research that i can cite to back up my view. We love to teach each other, about anything and everything. You are skinny you get teased, you are fat you get teased, you are smart you get teased, you are stupid you get teased. You like a certain boy or girl you get teased. And recently that added to the collection after miss lim class, the color of the shirt you wear also get teased.You are indian you get teased you are black.You are Chinese you get teased you have small eyes. The list goes on and on and on. We do racial jokes, we tease each other names, we make fun of what you wear. It’s normal for us.

Early this semester in speech communication class, Miss Lim said something like these, ‘people who has more friends are less prone to sickness’, and we go yeah right. But it is actually based on a research done. The logic behind it? If you have more friends and hang out more often, you get teased and make fun of very often that you are like immune to it. If you have less friends and go out less, you are not used to all these teasing and stuff, so when someone says something bad about you’ll get all defensive and some sort of hormone is released or some hormones don’t get released or something like that la, as long as it has something to do with hormones la, so you get sick easily.

My point is this culture is part of the Malaysian society. If you tell me that you never teased someone else’s name or giving them stupid nicknames or make fun of their race or anything else, i would not believe you and i would say that you are a hypocrite. However, no matter how much we are used to it or love this culture, it is not necessarily acceptable for some people. Which in my case, my boyfriend and his family, which is angry at me and others who teased his english name. I must agree that although we may not be agreeable with them, at least we should respect them. If they do not like it and has mentioned it, then we should stop. Although the problems have been settled, I still want to extend my apologies to my dear boyfriend and his family for my actions, and behalf on everyone else who offended their feelings, i apologize as well.

The purpose of writing this long post in which some of you might be cursing me now for it is not to offend anyone, but just to express a thought of mine, that might be agreeable to some and not to others. Either way, if any words has offend anyone, i do apologize. Plus i hope i won’t get into any trouble with this, as the image of the good girlfriend in my boyfriend parents’s mind has been ruin and i do not know where it is heading towards after this though i try not to think it as a big issue.

Conclusion. It’s okay to tease and make fun of people, but if they don’t like it, then stop it and sorry to boyfriend and his parents on my behalf and everyone else.

why i love my mom so much

2011-02-23T01:22:00.001+08:00

because

she would make me at least drink something for breakfast

because

when i come back from school there’s always food on the table

because

her cooking is always so good no matter what she cooks

because

when i come home and called out she would reply me

because

before she went back home

she left a packet of junk food in my room just for me

cause she knows i ‘kiam siap’ and refuse to spend money on those

i’m touched

thank you mommy

*hugs*

what’s better than coke?A&W rootbeer!!!

2011-02-16T23:21:00.001+08:00

nothing beats having the best ramlee burger in town

plus the oh so soothing ice cold A&W

in the comfort of my own room

ou la la la~~

been working 2 days in a row for now

tomorrow will be the 3rd and last day for this week

work is very very very tiring but rewarding =)

yeah i get paid is. that’s one thing

but other than that

the happy face that i have to put on to serve customers

plus the ever friendly staff and managers

made me happy, lifted my spirit a little

there’s a saying that goes

if you are sad, force a smile on the face

then the feeling will come naturally

it’s true in a way

things are getting better

it’s good and i hope it will continue to improve

i can’t wait for my long awaited escape

tioman island from sunday to wednesday

oh i can feel the sun on my skin and the cool sea water

and the peacefulness of the off season resort

the best part is i get to skip college a few days

muahahahaha

oh tioman island i awaits to be reunited with you

(sounded so wrong lol)

because it's so hard to believe

2011-02-15T15:34:00.002+08:00

it's hard to believe

when one moment

me being happy or not is not important

but the next moment

my happiness matters the most

people realize and change

often when things get really bad

pretty lights

2011-02-15T09:14:00.001+08:00

light up my life oh pretty lights

for you’re all i have now

happy valentines day

2011-02-14T20:43:00.001+08:00

if that special someone really loves you

he won’t mind going that extra mile

if fact he won’t mind going an extra one thousand miles

just to see that smile on your face

my valentines day sucks

after all

i am just a cow who does not want to eat the grass

happy valentines day

to everyone

once upon a time

2011-02-13T21:05:00.000+08:00

once upon a time

when the world seems so much simpler

when it was so much relax and happier

when we were innocent spm fresh grads

fire up and excited for being in college

that was 3 years ago

when we were just freshmen

now we are going to be the SENIORS

we all changed so much

when 3 foolish girl would plan for an outing

but never plan how to get back

and got stranded in the shopping mall till late at night

walking around with helium balloons

i miss those crazy days

when we play ‘pretend’ and gave each other awards

on the reward ceremony day itself xD

when we embark on a creative idea project

to add a little spice into our boring college life

when we stayed up all night till we could hear the morning prayers

'training' or dreaming to be rock stars

when i decided to take a subject alone

teaming up with new found friends

a fresh start which was fun and rewarding

when x’mas was spent taking silly pictures with sister

which we haven been doing for a long time

when i was still on the Dean’s List with the girls

it seems so much harder now

plus i lake the motivation to do so

when we shouted and jumped at the AAR concert under drizzling rain

and had the best NASI GORENG SIAM ever for supper

when santai was still there and kamal was still here

when there’s still a little kid in me

that would play with my food

when ketchup could make me smile

when we would all go out during holidays

stuff ourselves with good food and company

and eating huge amount of baskin robins

being very nostalgic today

going though old photos that brings back memories

oh well break’s over

back to history

lanterns

2011-02-13T12:25:00.001+08:00

i love lights

out of 100 pictures that i snap

only a few that is worth showing

this picture is without any editing

beauty in it’s natural state

you deserves to shine like a star

2011-02-12T11:34:00.001+08:00

'you’re a real star and you need to shine'

it’s true for Rachel

but Finn you SUCKS

why you can forgive Quinn but not Rachel

Quinn made a bigger mistake than Rachel

argh…stupid GLEE episode

I don’t like the way Serena is treating Dan

Dan deserves so much better than this

and why is he so holy-ish and good

I like the garden in Coraline

i want a pretty garden too

I love waking up and whatsapp-ing in my bed

going crazy with the person i ♥

it’s a saturday

SS15 pork noodle store’s siu yuk here i come

friday randomness

2011-02-12T00:47:00.001+08:00

no college no work

just stayed home and laze

i am a satisfied girl today

plus i miss this person very much

i love college

2011-02-11T12:29:00.001+08:00

pass out at 3

wake up at 10

go out to eat

then do it again

man i love college

a random song that is playing in my head right now xD

though it reminds me more of ezen cause she sleeps at 3 more than me

or maybe more of ck la cause he barely showed up in class

anyways yesterday was filled with surprises and excitement

i was SO ready to be blasted by miss lim for my intro first draft

instead she don’t even want to see it

"that’s worst than blasting" a friend said

wth right? LMAO

then had a little adventure taking the INTI bus that goes to Subang Avenue

need to go Subang Parade for work but had no transport

so i try lor taking the INTI bus, first time after 3 years here

first i waited at the wrong place for it

then when i went to the right place there’s 2 buses there

board one of it and was so freaking scared that one will go to INTI Nilai

every turn it made makes my heart beats faster lol

but thank god it is the right bus to take me where i wanted it to

it might have been showed in the tv news or newspaper

it’s an accident that has happened in front of subang parade that involved deaths

the place was flooded with policemen, even at uncle lim kopitiam

they even interviewed my manager at sakae sushi

i was so curious to see all the commotion

did some ‘investigation’ aka ‘bat gua’

the true story

sakae sushi restaurant drainage system got stuck

the dishwasher and a few other cleaners went to check it out

i have no idea they were instructed to or they did it themselves

they climbed into the subang parade main industrial drainage system

which is really really REALLY very DEEP

somehow they were lack of oxygen plus breath in too much toxic gas

in the end some fainted some died in this event

yeah it happens that the people involved in this tragedy works in the same shop as me

i don’t know these people personally, i don’t even know their name

but still, the thought of me having some sort of contact or connection to them

does make me feel a little sad and scared at the same time

death is a funny thing

it takes people’s live without a warming

even those we think that don’t suppose to leave us yet

my condolences to the victims family members

may their soul rest in peace

all thanks to the to-do-list =)

2011-02-09T21:03:00.001+08:00

things are getting back on track for the past few days

which is a pretty good feeling

all thanks to the to-do-list

listing down things that need to be done actually does help ease the situation and tension

rather than just keeping them in my mind and going crazy over them xD

breaking down tasks into smaller parts to be completed over the days

yeah it does work by making it seems that it’s not THAT hard after all

the part i love most ?

the satisfaction gained when marking that ‘tick’ sign on the completed task

am beginning to love this method

even downloaded an app for my bb

talking about bb, i got mine fix yesterday

and i did it all on my own *proud of myself*

yay!! i am connected again to my dear at all times

on a side note, started working at sakae sushi again

tuesdays and thursday from evening to night

it’s not that tiring or a hard job

mainly because the ppl there are nice and friendly

and i got new uniforms for the chinese new year

thank you to manager mr.cloud

okay back to working down the to-do-list again

fucked up.again.

2011-02-06T23:08:00.001+08:00

I’m going through those days again, the days that i feel so fucked up with life. I have been like this for almost a week, being grumpy and easily annoyed by almost everything that happens around me.I am angry with everyone,including myself because of the things i wish i never said.I am angry at everything, including a stupid kid that can’t stop making annoying sound at mcd, because he has a good life and don’t know how hard life can be.basically i am angry with life.i hate my life.everything doesn’t seem right.

took 5 hours to travel back to hometown last monday with switching 3 times using public transport while carrying a huge luggage bag.then my blackberry spoiled out of no reason and i still haven got it fixed.went to ampang on thursday and went through hell in the car when dad is driving and scolding other drivers.then work on the weekends, which is still during chinese new year and sales were god damn bad.

i wish i don’t need to work like other young adults/teenagers.all they need to do is enjoy college life.wanna get something take money from parents.not that i am blaming my parents, which i don’t cause i love them and understands the situation.just that sometime 2 jobs plus college plus assignments plus house chores seems a little bit too much for me to handle.at times i wish i could wake up in the morning without feeling extremely tired with body aches and just enjoy a cup of hot tea, just enjoying the moment.well all of those are just thought, beautiful thoughts that is so hard to come true.

i work for the things i want, that’s why i appreciate them more.

i know money is hard to earn, that’s why i hesitate so much when spending.

life goes on no matter what

of rain and emo-ness

2011-01-31T00:27:00.001+08:00

Received a call from my eldest sister on Saturday,father is not feeling very well. Plans for the Chinese New Year will be canceled. Since that call, I have this uncomfortable feeling bothering me all the time, bad thoughts that can’t seems to stay away.

Daddy is getting old, he is turning 70 soon. There are some worst case scenarios that might happen but we just don’t talk about it. We just push it aside. But for me, there’s this feeling that is creeping silently at that tiny little corner of my heart, the fear of losing, the fear of death.

For the coming Chinese New Year, all that i wish for is that my father will recover soon and be healthy always. I don’t need a lot of “ang pao”, money can’t buy health and happiness. I shall pray for him, although praying is not something i normally do.

There are still many things that i want to do for him. Many places i want to bring him visit. Many cuisine that i would want to let him try. Most importantly i want to be a daughter that can finally take care of him, and mommy.

It has been raining non-stop since last night.

Today i emo.

it’s like you are always here

2011-01-29T00:42:00.001+08:00

the past 3 days feels like any other normal day we spent together

the only difference is that you left for australia yesterday

a place where the vase indian ocean divides us

at least we didn’t cried at the airport

instead we laughed our hearts out to the very last moments

i am glad that we didn’t part in tears

one day before you flew for australia

we went to tropicana city mall

we held hands while you were driving like usual

finally got the dress in xs size

thank you dear i ♥ it so much

had so much fun playing with the cats and dogs at the exhibition

i know you love the boston terrier that made you feel like a father dear :P

snapping silly pictures in the elevator

had fun hanging out with your secondary friends while i played fruit ninja

and not to forget trying the spaghetti trick on roti tissue xD

on the day you board the plane

your good friends aka brothers came to send you off

and me trying to spend every last moments with my dear

p/s: someone cut his hair and looks funny/cute :P

our final hugs for a long long time

will miss them the most

*picture credit to ezen*

one day after my dear flew to australia

i spent the whole day in my room

wasting time fb-ing, watching downloaed movies and slept

although i miss him but it felt like he is still here

as if he never left my side

the funny thing is i was wrong for so many things

i thought i will cry sending him off but i didn’t

i thought i will cry after few hours cause i am blur and emotion kicks in slow but i didn’t

i thought i will cry the next day but i didn’t

i thought i would feel scared and insecure but i didn’t

i was puzzled

but now

i know the reason

him and me

we have something special

something that can’t be explained

and i know that he will come back to me

and no matter how far he is

he will miss me and i will miss him

i never felt this way before

this is the first time

i am glad i am alright

i hope my dear is coping well as well

lots of love hugs and kisses to you my dear

i ♥ u

because there’s too little time

2011-01-21T23:00:00.001+08:00

There is so much to blog about but there is so little time to do so. I respect people who has the discipline to write their diary every single night or update their blog every so often. Lately life has been busy with lots of good times with good food and companies, though there are a few down times. But overall life has been kind to me this year and I am truly grateful for that. Hsiang will be leaving for Australia in another 6 days, that is less than a week. Time really flies and i hope it flies faster after he is in Australia, so we can meet each other again. And may our relationship stay strong and overcome whatever that may come in its way.

This semester has been an interesting one. Though I am always passionate about projects and studies in the beginning of the semester, the fire tend to go off as the time passes and I am worried of that. I am bursting of ideas for the International Marketing project on the first discussion and kind off convinced others to go with that concept, but now I am hesitating. I just hope that thing will turn out great as I imagine it in my head. Another challenge that awaits me was Miss Lim’s Speech Communication class. I am always scared of Miss Lim. I even termed the phrase “miss lim phobia” for it. To make things worse the whole semester will involve a whole lot of standing at the front and speaking. However, my self introduction turned out to be quite interesting. It goes roughly something like this.

“Hi, my name is Ai. I am not going to introduced myself today, instead I will talk about my 2 greatest fear to be in this class. Firstly, I am afraid to stand in front of a crowd to give a speech. I am a very low profile person that I can be easily be unnoticed in a class, even Miss Lim forgot my name and thought that I was Angie.That is the reason why I did not took part in any story telling or debating competition from primary to secondary school. Secondly, I am afraid of Miss Lim because she is like a real life Patrick Jane from the television series The Mentalist. She is very alert and can read people by observing the way they speak, walk,dress, place their things and facial expression. It is as if she could tell if you are lying or scared by looking into your eyes and observe the dilation of the pupils.”

My hands were shaking and i could hear my heartbeat so clearly when I was talking at the front. Miss Lim laughed at the point I described her to be like Patrick Jane. But after that she gave a profile review in front of the whole class. She said that I was brave, and although I like to be a low profile person, no matter I like it or not, I will be somebody important in the future. Then she added that if people know the way I work they will understand. One thing I do not understand is that I only took one subject under her which was Anthropology, how could she tell the way I work? After class I went up to her and ask for advice on how to give a better speech, because that was what she told to others who spoke at the front. But she told me the same thing> Though she added and said that I am not a person that will not go look for fights, but if a fight comes looking for me, I will never give up, that is a quality that will make me successful. Is that really so? I told her that I am not interested in all those but again she said no matter i like it or not, I will be someone important.

I believe that we can choose the path in life that we want to take. I am not interested in fame, power nor fortune. I dreamed of a simple life. A comfortable life without financial worries and good health together with the people I love. There is a possibility that I can be someone so powerful and famous and rich, but for the sake of a harmonious life, I am willing to give all that up. Happiness, health and family are more important than all those.

i choose family, happiness, health and wealth.

blame it on the full moon

2011-01-20T11:05:00.001+08:00

yesterday was not a good day

got into a fight 3 times

did not bought the air tickets

canceled mid valley plan

tried to make it a little better

decorated my room with the leftover balloons

watched “Little Women”

had some kampai

sleep

it was full moon yesterday

*hugs to everyone that did not had such a good day*

fire ball

2011-01-12T10:26:00.002+08:00

a real life walking fire ball

ready to launch a full blast attack on DIGI

DIGI always the smarter choice

BULLSHIT

button biscuits

2011-01-11T21:38:00.001+08:00

button biscuits and a hot cup of milo

one of my favorite pass time when i was young

now i still find pleasure in it

i am still young on the inside

sometimes we just need to be reminded

the simple things that made us satisfied

the person we once were

a reminder with ♥ from ai

forgotten candles

2011-01-10T22:18:00.001+08:00

i will be turning 21 in another 5 days

the official legal age in malaysia

21 years old means

having the right to enter certain night clubs

and vote in elections to choose our leaders

but other than that

i can’t think of any other changes it will bring to my life

my wish list for birthday presents:

(no harm in wishing for something right?)

1. A sky blue color automated perodua myvi

(so i can get around without causing inconveniences to anyone)

2. A set of tiffany & co. white gold key pendant and chain

(cause all 21 year old girl should have one)

3.A blackberry bold

(so i can keep in touch through msn and email with my dear when he is in aussie all the time)

4.A holiday trip overseas for my family

(cause i love my parents and i want to bring them see the world)

5.Tickets to go aussie

(i want to visit my dear when he is there so that he won’t get too lonely)

there isn’t much that i want

shall add on to the list when i can think of something

one of my wishes have already came true

i made it came true with the help of my hsiang

now i am a proud owner of a blackberry bold

i believe that wishes do come true

we just need to wish hard enough

then opportunities will come knocking at the door

when this happens all we need to do is be brave enough to snatch it

of course there is always consequences for each action

just be ready to face it =)

saw these candles at the kitchen window pane

all dusty and covered with webs

forgotten

will my birthday be forgotten too?

pok+ai in tampin

2011-01-08T00:19:00.001+08:00

It has been awhile since I go back to my hometown and spend some quality time with my parents. Although I had an one month college holiday, I used it to work my ass off earning some extra cash. I almost break at one point that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to attend college. But fortunately college was postponed to January 10th. Hooray for me!!! So I decided to go back to my hometown-Tampin.=)

Nothing feels more like home than my Tampin home. The familiar scenery of the small town, my mom’s awesome cooking, my dad talking non-stop about some stuff which i hardly pay any attention too, meals every few hours, awesome naps and etc. The best part of this trip is my dear followed me back this time, this mean i get to spend time with him, and my dad has a friend to talk to which has comment interest as him, which is----cars.=.= In a way he is my scapegoat lar.HAHAHAHAHA….sorry dear.

Hsiang is flying off to Australia end of this month, so this would be his last chance to spend some time with me in Tampin. Though much of my goals was not accomplished but it’s okay, at least we spend some time together. He almost could not make it cause he had to go for a medical check up, but after that was done he took the night bus and came to find me.YAY.thank you dear. We had little fights here and there, but we are good and we talked and we learned. That’s what I like about him, talking things out and settling stuff.Plus, I send a meaningful message that meant a lot to him and me. You know what I am talking about right dear? hehehe…

Mom made me went to dentist to extract my wisdom tooth. But deep down i don’t really want too. There are many things that i afraid in life, but going to the dentist is top on my list and i shall tell why.

My top fears in order

1. Cabut gigi/tooth extraction

2. Injections/needles

3.Eating medicines

So if i have to extract my tooth i will have to face 2 of my biggest fears in one shot. Of course i can’t take it. So while waiting outside i already started crying. Then there’s 2 kids looking at me. But dun care, i cry my business la. And i kept pinching my dear to release stress which was not a good idea. Sorry dear.=(

The thing that i hate most is people keep telling me that everything will be alright and i am a strong girl so i can get through it. But the fact is it burdens me cause it is as if i can’t be weak, i have to be strong in every single thing, which is very tiring and stressful. Daddy keep telling me to stop crying and stop giving trouble to myself and people around me. But in my heart i ask this questions, “have i not been independent enough and give you less trouble? Can’t i at least be like this when i am afraid and week?have you not seen how hard i am trying not to burden you?”

Fortunately there no need for an extraction. My teeth were senget cause i lazy never use the retainer after the braces. And dentist told me that wisdom tooth won’t grow if there’s no sufficient space for it. But who cares what the reason is, no need cabut gigi i am happy enough already.

Alright.Been talking too much.Photos time.Yay.

the cat that look my my cat that died.

guess what?my dad calls it by the same name as well.

so i named it “old man no2”.

dear accompanying me at the dentist

dear and me playing with cats at behind the house

it was fun.hehehe…=)

One of the days, i forgot which day, dad decided to go to Air Mawang to have laksa and pao for tea time. It was like 20 mins drive. Just for laksa? My parents rocks.xD Well they all had laksa and “cham” which is coffee mix with tea, but i had roti bakar cause i can’t eat spicy food.=( But the roti bakar is so awesome!!! So much better than the ones in Shiok. Old kopitiam makes the best roti bakar. After that we dropped by Dangi and gave my honey Stephanie a surprise visit by popping out in front of her front door. It was a last minute and random thing but she surely is shocked. So mission accomplish!!Yay. Hsiang’s first time in Dangi. Hope he likes it.

the keledek goreng and AWESOME ROTI BAKAR

introduced dear to Long Chan drinks

my favorite when i was in primary school

at the end of that day

we sat outside enjoying the sunset

and feeding mosquitoes

then we saw a perfect rainbow

it’s was perfect ending to a totally great day

i miss the sun

2011-01-03T00:20:00.000+08:00

me “sun bathing” at pulau payar,langkawi.

i miss the warmth of sunlight on my skin

been working in Jusco at 1Utama for the past 2 days

it is freaking cold in there the whole time

i was freezing to the point that i shivers

and i haven seen daylight for 2 days

i miss the feeling of warmth when i suddenly come out from a cold place and into the sunlight

it feels so good…so warm…so nice…so sweet…

2011

2011-01-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

happy new year

i have read so many people's blog

almost all stated a summary of their life in 2010

i do not want to summarize anything

a year that has past is a year that has been lived

good times or bad times it's part of our life

in which all should be cherish

2010 has past but it did not end

because it is always part of my life and yours

let's welcome 2011 with an open heart

and take whatever that comes with it

a long distance relationship awaits me this year

i fear it but i will not run away

shall face this challenge

will make it through

"a small girl in appearance, a big girl in heart and a strong girl in soul"

quoted from my dear

thank you my dear

i am weak sometimes

that's why i need you

❤

back to me

2010-12-31T01:27:00.000+08:00

welcome home my dear

home is where your loved ones are

welcome back to me my dear

my home is incomplete without you

i miss you

i love you

i am

so glad

so happy

that you are back

♥

summer.it’s ain’t that lonely

2010-12-29T15:41:00.001+08:00

The boyfriend will be back in another 2 more days.Wohoo!!!Can't believe that it has been almost a month since he left for NZ.Time flies yet the coming 2 days seems like taking forever to past.Had an awesome chat on the msn with my dear a moment ago.It felt good to be talking to him again tho i still miss his voice and hugs and pedo smile very much.December has been a lonely month for me.But thanks to precious company from friends and family and a whole lot of working time i managed to get through it.Thanks to everyone.Cheers.=)

they say summer won't be perfect without a summer love

it will be extremely lonely for those who are single

but in malaysia it's summer all year round

so we can have summer love all the time

but lonely all the time as well

i know i am lonely when he is not around

but lucky i have good friends

Sister is in a bad mood again.I really despise it when this happens cause she show it out and make me feel uncomfortable.She give me that beh song look and talk.It happens very frequent that i think i should get used to it by now.But somehow it still affects me.Trying not to let this spoil my wonderful mood chatting with my dear.

*shoos the sad and bad thought away*

hello i am back ^^

2010-12-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

it's been 3 months since i blog.
opened a few blog here and there and decided that my i still love this blog the most.
the theme the backdrop the music and everything in it.
yup i combined everything to this blog and still i stopped writing for 3 months.
unbelievable.
but i am back and the this blog is back alive.
yay!!
so people come stalk me again.xD
though i don't think i will blog daily as i used to.
life is very busy these days.
anyways happy that i decided on this.
=)

2010-09-06T11:03:00.001+08:00

at times i noticed that the people that care really cared and i know how i much i love them because they were always there when i need them and we do the things that are crazy so that our hearts can be mend so that we can get through it together so that we can try to get on with life and that's why there are some friends i love them more than i can say and i want to say thank you for always telling me things and doing things with me that makes me happy and reminding me of what are the little things that can make me happy even when you're far away and i can't really hug you and cry my hearts out.and that's is so important than i wake up in tears i still have that little will to make myself a little better.

2010-09-05T21:53:00.001+08:00

i'm breaking at the cracks
and everything goes black
it's another heart attack
and i can't handle that

2010-09-05T20:04:00.001+08:00

女生当爱了终会放下然后退让给男生。放下尊严。认输。
但是当男生知道自己有那样的权利就会开始路出真面目
男生嘴角总是会挂着他介意的是很多却不说出口只为不让女生伤心
可是只有男生这样吗？女生也马不是一样。而我们不会挂在嘴角一直说。
我们用沉默来代替争吵。可是男生说有什么事就直说。然而直说了只会有争论。
我们解释了我们的原理，你们用你们的原理来反驳我们。而最糟糕的是男女的原理是永远不会相同的。
当我们需要你时你在哪里呢？很好笑吧。我觉得真可笑。一句“我忙先了”就不见人了。
公平。什么才算是公平。对你们公平的对我们不公平。对我们公平的却对你们不公平。
女生生气你说我们太敏感介意太多。一起那样说不如说是你们对女子的需求不敏感吧。
我们细心发现的事多。介意的事也多。反而这变成了我们的弱点。
你们要我们接受你们就是那样。那我们就是这样敏感爱哭你们能接受吗？
不哭了可是要委屈。两个都不是办法。一句话就打发人走了。
过一个星期先吧。说得有多容易呢。
我好想去旅行。那样一个星期会过得快一些。有能舒适心情。
想看海。真的很想在海边住几天。可是要去哪里呢？
活了将近二十一年。经历了很多事。累了可是还是必须走。想放弃可是自己却还呼吸着。
二十一岁的蛋糕。我要许自己能在当年安详去世。累了。真的累了。活累了爱累了哭累了。

2010-09-05T17:45:00.001+08:00

眼泪不断地流
血也不断的流
就算再痛也不如心里的痛
爱情算得了什么？
说再爱最后也是忍心看着他人痛
这算得了爱情吗？

2010-09-05T17:35:00.001+08:00

it hurts the most when i put my whole heart for it
so pain that the only thing i wish for is death
why does this have to happen?
i've cried and scream but yet it still so pain
even when i took her up to say good bye
she bit me.even she is angry at me
love is something that i should not have touch
i think it would be different each time but in the end it hurts me back
i took a chance and it puts a knife right through my heart again and again and again
i wonder why we didn't met in an accident when she was driving 140km/hr on the highway
i really do wish that should have happen.then i would not have to feel this pain
i really wish all the pain can go away because i don't have the strength to make it through again
i need to go away but when i stand my legs can't even walk
i want to go away.i need to go away.but where.standing there wanting to go but have no place to go

2010-09-05T17:22:00.001+08:00

please pain please go away
please go away please go away
i do not want to do it again i can't go through this again
please don't put me through this again

2010-09-05T12:02:00.001+08:00

waking up feeling something is missing
had a terrible nightmare for 2 days in a row
but keep telling myself what's the point

2010-09-04T22:26:00.001+08:00

vodka, muffins and gilmore girls
maybe one day i'll end up like lorelai
"i'm not happy and feeling crappy all the time"

2010-09-04T20:09:00.001+08:00

lazy to answer
what's the point?
i opt out

2010-09-04T16:17:00.001+08:00

my blog seems to be filled with emo posts

but at least i am not trying to telling the whole world about it

as always.never think of the consequences

and i feel people that are not happy but put on a smiley face most disgusting

i feel like spending time in tampin

can't stand the people here

i'm losing grip

2010-09-02T19:20:00.001+08:00

to what's important to me
i make everything meaningless nowadays
even the last thing that i love to do and make me happy is slipping away from me slowly-baking

it's so much easier when all i need to do is care less
just care less
that'll do

2010-09-02T01:08:00.001+08:00

am on a silence vow starting this moment on
i just have the feeling to do so don't ask me why

just tired.of talking to people that don't understands
just tired of listening to crap people saying everyday
tired of telling people useful stuff that they just ignore
tired of listening to hippocratic people saying thing they don't mean

i have a test tomorrow.
thank you so much.

2010-09-02T01:01:00.001+08:00

stupid butter

stupid statistic

stupid idiot people

stupid msn chat

stupid facebook chat

stupid phone

stupid life

have u ever helped and love someone that all u get back in return is all that once was were taken away?

have u been so angry that u cry?i know i did

life is a living hell and heaven

today it's hell for me

damn it.how i wish i could end here.

fullstop.

2010-08-31T00:50:00.001+08:00

we all have our own lives
there's part of it that we want to share with someone special
there's part of it that we want to share it with family
there's part of it that we want to share it with friends
and there's a part of it that we want to spend it by ourselves
nevertheless, all that i want to do with my life is to live it to the fullness
as my daddy would put it
"do things to make life more meaningful.
create memories.
those are the only things that you'll have when you're old."

happy merdeka
cheers to everything and may our life be as good as ever
=)

2010-08-23T23:28:00.001+08:00

when you putting more effort to help a person that is not taking the matter seriously himself what is the use of helping him?
it's the same as if you don't save yourself no one will.

2010-08-22T05:53:00.001+08:00

i am up so early on a sunday morning because i am afraid to go back to bed

i am afraid that if i close my eyes again i would see him leave me again

i dreamed daddy left us and mommy was there and i was there

i don't want him to go i can't afford to lose him

my biggest fear ever is losing people i love and care the most

especially my daddy and mommy

but that is unavoidable i know

and daddy is aging as i grow

he talks about it sometimes but in a joking manner

i always don't know how to react to this

i don't want that to happen

i want to always be his little girl

i don't it to happen

i am scare

2010-08-20T23:59:00.001+08:00

a great deal of laughter with huge amount of fun
going hyper and calm and hyper again many times
and fell in love with "KABOOM" sound guns

learnt that i expressed myself best in writings
and about being small in a BIG BIG world
plus how bad PMS can affect me in my mood

my dear bought me flowers today
sunflowers that are the prettiest things ever
he made me smiled from deep down
and realize how important he is to me

2010-08-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

a hole in my heart
a hole in my stomach
and a bump on my head
but at least i had a good laugh in college

miss the times we get all excited and LOL over a simple thing
i am fun to be with when i'm with people who are fun

am looking forward to tomorrow's outing with my college mates =)

2010-08-18T20:54:00.001+08:00

the more i read the more it hurts